I'll let you know as soon as I open this bag of red velvet oreos. I have high hopes, but I'm too optimistic for my own good sometimes. I think they might be even better when they're stale and a little soft, with a glass of milk to dunk them in.

Oh my god just put Lindsay in jail already. This is ridiculous. She has learned nothing and she needs to do some hard time. In a real jail, not Hollywood jail. More than a few hours this time. If she doesn't straighten out, she's going to die of an overdose. It's kind of amazing that hasn't happened already.

I also have an aunt I would like to trade. Drunk streaking aunt sounds like lots more fun than my meddling aunt who I may not be talking to in the future.

I also have an aunt I would like to trade. Drunk streaking aunt sounds like lots more fun than my meddling aunt who I may not be talking to in the future.

I am dying here. I can't believe he actually put that on his website.

She's a better Bieber than Bieber.

What was that she was wearing—a sparkly feed sack?

Yep.

Toast tastes better when it's cut in half. It's a fact. The same goes for grilled cheese sandwiches.

I am not lying, last night on People's Court, there was a man name Al Bokhour, but they pronounced it like Albacore. I cracked up. I think the real pronunciation is slightly different, but to me he will always be a tuna.

6 months, and that might be a bit too generous.

They're not very good at logic, bless their hearts.

Don't blame the snood. Snoods are non-partisan and non-religious. I like snoods (but that snood is not a good example of a snood. It's on the ugly side of the snood spectrum).

My brothers. I don't see them very often, but when we go out to eat, they're done with their food in approximately 5 seconds, and I'm still sitting there eating all by myself. I don't eat super-slowly, but I do chew my food, and they just inhale it whole, like snakes do. It's like a live-action version of Homer…

Oh, good, I got here before the scrapple haters! I can't get good scrapple where I live and I miss it. :-( If you're not going to eat it, can I have that scrapple?

I'm curly but not a redhead. Can I come too? I would love to see her head explode!

But look at the bright side—I'm sure they'll still have full coverage for Viagra!

That would be awesome! It would also be good to have some information about quality. I've gotten some cute things that weren't very good quality, so not worth what I paid for them. I'd be willing to pay more for good quality things that fit well and are made with nicer fabrics.

Not just cotton candy—his hair is cotton candy made from urine! I bet he eats bits of it when he thinks no one is looking.

I vote for Butterbutt!