We're missing the real story here—Gwyneth Paltrow eats braaaaaaains! She's a zombie!

Brains aren't cheap!

I clicked on the link with high hopes, and I was not disappointed. For Gwynnie's special "Brain Activating Adaptogenic Drink," you would need to purchase:

I would steal that puppy and never give it back.

Since you mentioned guinea pigs, I have to bring this to your attention: http://cuddlycavies.homestead.com/home.html

Do you think she just refuses to do fittings? None of her dresses fit well. It's like they just guess what her measurements are and make something that's in the general area, but I'm pretty sure no one ever does any alterations. It's really bizarre.

You are not alone. I haven't really liked any of the new flavors and I don't think the quality is as good. So many good things have gone to the flavor graveyard, but the new flavors are too sweet, too overdone, just not as good. At least they still have Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz Buzz. If that ever goes away, I might…

I'm not sure which is worse—vagina frittata or placenta smoothie.

Ugh.

I would eat that. With a spoon. Or maybe on a slice of toast.

Yep. It's for when you're too poor to buy any fillings for your sandwiches and all you have is bread. I've never eaten one myself, but I might try it sometime because I do love toast. I don't have toast with my eggs, I have a little eggs with my toast.

I've seen macaroni and cheese pizza too. I used to think soup in a bread bowl was kind of ridiculous (delicious, but ridiculous), but it's gotten much worse.

Things that really exist:

It's the dinner party from hay-yull, y'all!

Meanwhile, somewhere in the afterlife, L. Ron Hubbard is laughing his ass off. "They actually believe this bullshit! People are so stupid!"

Exactly what I've been thinking. It's all fake. Like we really need to make relationships between North Korea and the US any worse. Fuck you Michael Lynton. You are a horrible person.

Her job is shameless self-promotion. That's pretty much it in a nutshell.

I've never gotten any gifts that even approach the level of greatness of a Gizmo/Rambo painting, but my ex-husband did get me a toaster for Christmas. I was engaging in the time-honored tradition of shaking all the wrapped presents to try to guess what they were. The package rattled and it was about the right size. I…

But it would be hideous, then it would be tasty, and then it would be gone. Win-win! (Athough if it was bad chocolate, that would make it so much worse. And it would probably be bad chocolate. Like cheap fake white chocolate.)

I am adding this to my vocabulary right now.