So, they're not gold-plated and filled with Swarovski crystals? I'm a little bit disappointed about that!

I'm really excited about the People special double issue with Patton Oswalt's amygdala and Rebel Wilson's duodenum!

Meryl's mitochondria have more talent than Miley's whole body!

In the tabloids: Last week, Kim Kardashian's backside. This week: Miley Cyrus's tongue. Are we heading for a world where tabloids are all about celebrity body parts? Next week: Meryl Streep's spleen! Brad Pitt's kidneys!

These sweaters look like horrible 70's craft projects. This one is giving me flashbacks to an awful latch hook thing I made (anyone else remember latch hook?)

I'm just wondering how you put these on. Is it like that craft project where you dip yarn in glue and wrap it around a balloon, only it never works like it does in the one you saw on Pinterest, and the yarn won't stick to the balloon and your yarn balloon ends up being all lumpy and lopsided?

Yes indeedy! And also make sure the nap on the fake fur is all pointing the same direction. It's not as easy as it looks.

So, I'm not going to rehash all the other problems with this (e.g., it's cheaper to buy fabric, buying from big box stores, going out and buying something new instead of re-using existing material, etc., etc.,). What really bothers me is that it doesn't even have the most important information about sewing fake fur.…

Paris Hilton obviously hasn't been getting enough attention lately. Does anyon else remember when Lisa Rinna wore a dress that was slit up to her crotch? At least she wore flesh-colored undies with it. Paris is really leaving nothing to the imagination.

Night of the Lepus is awesome! I love the way it switches between scenes of horrifying slaughter and masses of cute, fluffy, wiggly bunnies. Those cute widdle flesh-eating monsters, I just want to pet them and smoosh them and give them scritches on their soft little bunny heads.

Also Justin Bieber. Excuse me, Bizzle. And Shia LaBeefHead.

Snuggle Bear should be in horror movies. He's always been creepy, but there's that commercial where he leaps off a shelf with an evil look in his little beady eyes, and you just know this isn't going to end well for whoever's in the laundry room.

I used to be the most curious person in the world, but I've come to realize that there are some places I just should not go. This video and the blackhead video are two of those places. I'm not just getting older, I'm getting smarter!

If Kim&Kanye put in a hall of mirrors, maybe they won't be able to find their way out!! Let's put all the Kardashians in there!!

From their names, I'm guessing they were ethnic people. They're probably also not rich. So it's okay to run over them, apparently.

Twitter is awesome! I get most of my breaking news from Twitter. Also, there's this:

Maybe it's a surgically-implanted tiara. It never comes off.

Yeah, that works too! I like it.

I'm surprised that anyone would date her at this point. Who really wants to be the subject of a hateful post-breakup songs? It's not worth it for a few dates.

That's what I always call him. Shia The Beef.