I had a fish taco joke ready just a second ago, then I remembered that fish tacos should never be mocked. Close call, averted.

Reports that he is dating Miley Cyrus remain unconfirmed.

As a NJ resident, I can assure you that the only thing he runs from is the salad bar.

"C'mon guys, if I'm going to beat Hillary in 2016 I'm going to need a statistic I can base a platform on, New Jersey has to lead the nation in something...bullying, you say? Well, it wasn't my first choice, but you know what my first choice always is, Dunkin Donuts."
-Chris Christie
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"So, it's agreed. We can have it out by Xmas 2015, it gets the coveted PG-13 rating, and it will distract everyone from the fact we don't know what the fuck to do with the Wonder Woman project. 'BATKID,' it is!"
- Warner Bros. Executive

"Let's hold up on that Justice League film. Yes, I know that the fans have been clamoring for it, but I've got a muuuuch better idea, "BATKID!"
-Anonymous Warner Bros. Executive

Maybe the fact that you made up irritable bowel disease instead of doing a google search is adding to the stigma?

You need to edit this. Irritable bowel disorder and inflammatory bowel disease are NOT the same.

Seriously, I doubt anyone who has inflammatory bowel disease ever confuses it with irritable bowel disorder, which leads me to think the author has neither...or this is the worst editing job ever.

Unfortunately, school officials succeeded in thwarting the student paper's attempt to go off the editorial reservation.

I had no idea that Santonio Holmes was cleared to resume frisbee related activities.

It's always Movember in Spain

And people wonder why tigers maul humans...

How did JR Smith not make the list? He has a well documented problem with bogarting a blunt

"I really value the authenticity factor, so that's why I built it over an ancient Indian burial ground. Well, actually, I had to buy all those corpses on the archeology black market, rebury them and then build a basketball court to honor them, directly on top of them. Neat, huh?

Sean,
Even if you didn't really have an "epic diarrhea in the cornfield from 'Field of Dreams'" moment, would it have killed you to make one up? Or a porta potty tipping over right before you got there and you having to right it, than use it? Feel free to use these next time, nice job.

"Eli is sorry, very sorry. Eli is a proven winner and usually shows a lot more class than this. I will promise you this, Eli will be sitting in timeout for a good long time thinking about what he has done wrong and how's he going to right this ship. This will be my final comment on the subject, any further questions?"

Wait, that isn't the Jets running over Mark Sanchez during pre-game intros at MetLife?

"Beef Jerky Stroganoff in a Nutshell...hmm, I could probably charge $35 for that, maybe more with Donkey Sauce."
-Guy Fieri

Te'ootsie