Kate MacKinnon better narrate the audiobook.

You probably shouldn’t reference a much better song (or artist) in your own.

Most of Kris Kristofferson’s lyrics are pretty bleak. Considering he wrote “freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose,” the fact that ‘Sunday Morning Coming Down’ is more depressing is impressive.

The only time I’ve ever looked at my husband like that was when I was very stoned and he brought home Crazy Bread.

I use “brain and brain! What is brain?!” at least once a day. Usually when i forget something or do something stupid.

Can we trap him on the D.C. metro escalators? Those things are vertigo-inducing AND might grab his floppy, flappy clothing.

I’ve been an acolyte since her boxy JC Penney pantsuit days, but DI Stella Gibson is the queen.

When Dornan is in his natural habitat— creepy Irish Serial Killer— he can act. Of course, it helps to have a strong script and a co-star he clearly doesn’t hate.

I’m paying a mortgage of $650 a month on a 2-bed, 2-bath house with a finished basement on a 3/4 acre lot. It was built in 1941. My husband and I make good money, for here, but we won’t clear 65k.

And most people in that situation DO drop it. And if they get burned out of their house —not unlikely, given the poor state of repair, the frequent use of space heaters, and the fact that it can take 20-30 minutes to get up the holler and there is often no public water system, much less hydrants, they’ll end up…

Actually, no. If you’re living in your grandma’s old house in McDowell County, WV, getting it sold is impossible because no one is moving into the county, no business wants it, and since you own the thing outright you’ve dropped the homeowner’s insurance long ago because the premiums were astronomical due to the high…

I’m allergic to one of my cats— a lilac Siamese— but not to any other cat. His saliva causes hives where it touches (and he’s a happy drooler.) Only cat I’ve ever had a reaction to.

I don’t know— for me, it’s a very comforting thought to know that there’s a definite end. A stop. That you’re finally just gone.

You’ll be making West Virginia Great Again! in the process. /s

I don’t get the whole mermaid thing— you’re half fish, so are you cold blooded? Are you white fish or fatty fish? Are you in-demand for sushi? What about the original fairytale, where your tongue gets cut out and you die as ocean foam? What about mermen?

My uterus is retroverted and far off to the left, my cervix is high and my vagina is crooked. I used one for a couple years in my 20s and found it difficult to get in and out and the cup, like tampons, pressed on my urethra and made peeing uncomfortable.

Boyd died in the original short story, and was indeed supposed to die at the end of the pilot. Both the makers of the show and Elmore Leonard were so impressed with Goggins they brought Boyd back.

I’ve never watched Gilmore Girls (the whole girly genre gives me hives.) Moose up there will always be Sammy, the sad Wookie. My Dean is this Dean:

Wrong Deadwood Tim. Timothy Omundson (Brom Garrett) was a crazy-hot Cain.