I can handle CraigsList but not CraigsCapsize!

I’ll pass on calling dibs. Few things are more humiliating than being underwater on a Hyundai.

There’s ALWAYS a hoodswap truther. Always.

Dammit, you chucklefuck, your intentions were perfectly clear. You wanted to hurt and embarrass a total stranger because some stray gross impulse darted across your lizard brain and being a white male, you never even thought to resist or question it. You honestly expected her to find that funny or at least “laugh it…

If we’re planning on the Xoomers to save the world, we might as well start the apocalypse now

I think we’re far closer to solving nuclear fusion than convincing Karens to use the correct lane. 

In other words, “I, for one, welcome our new reptilian overlords.”

“Great article.”

I know exactly how he feels. There was this media company I liked that was bought by sociopathic hedge fund vampires who paid themselves obscene salaries while running the company into the ground.

I actually believe Trump when he says he’s never had a drink or taken drugs. His brother died from alcoholism, after all.

Don;’t worry, there are still plenty of male Democratic candidates you can move to before claiming you’re “forced” to pick Trump.

I feel this is a weird way to kickstart Rick Perry’s 2020 Presidential Campaign.

If he wants to be dictator we should treat him like one: permanent exile on some island somewhere and all his supporters can go with him.

This, in all likelihood. “Y’all Qaeda” will basically become a thing, and we’ll end up rooting it out.

We just need 30-50 good feral hogs.

Now that I know she’s fucking I just slid into her DM’s. Fingers crossed 

He looks like the president in a Lifetime TV movie.

Don’t leave out this:

All of this is just more distraction, as clearly the more notable crimes here are Adam Schiff having a thin neck and Nancy Pelosi being a woman.

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”