My vagina. It's known to slay boners by the thousands with it's +69 Axe of Circumcising.

Chuck Palahniuk fans.

At the end of your stay, strip your bed. The only time I ask if they want me to is when I think they might have a cleaning lady do it for them. Otherwise, just do it. Strip your bed and offer to bring it to their washing machine. If you're in a fold-up-bed, fold it up and put all the pillows back. Fold the blankets…

Might I also add that just because a host gives you the green light to open a bag/box/jar of food doesn't mean you have the green light to finish it.

After 40 years of life experience, I can honestly say that the perfect houseguest stays at a hotel/motel.

My cat is usually the typical asshole cat (totally bullies my sweetheart of a dog), but when I got home from my final abortion procedure last friday, he crawled into my lap and laid his head down on my lower abdomen in such a sad, bizarre way that even my husband (who has a naturally adversarial relationship with my…

Yea, I wanna see a pickup artist class where it's like "today, we go to the gym. tomorrow, we learn how to cook. the next day, we learn how to fold laundry. thursday, we really listen to one another. friday, we eat pussy." In fact maybe we are on to something? Anyone wanna start that PUA class with me?

Oh yeah, way turned on and way ashamed/confused by it.