More like a fancy man from the 1880s cape. Like what Sherlock Holmes would wear to the opera. With jeans.

That would make an adorable teen movie.

I look forward to next week's column, whatever the subject, to see if you can work that ex and wedding into a third post.

Worse though is meeting a new Internet person who greets you with "It's so great to see you again. You changed your hair." And also he is wearing a cape. Happened to me.

Werd. If you find a toy your cat likes, go and buy an even dozen because most will end up under the fridge.

Lee Strasberg's second wife Anna, it seems: http://www.npr.org/2012/08/03/157…

When I play cribbage against Mr. Luckier, if I need a certain turn card to complete my hand, I ask the deck for it and sometimes (more than just random chance would dictate) the deck gifts me my card. That and predicting the (perceived) gender of fetuses are my only magicks.

I haven't read Louise Erdrich for years - thanks for the recommendations, you two.

"Yeah, and I want to cash the check there. Does the grocery store branch have $94 million in cash? Will that all fit in the back of my Nissan?"

Your story is my favorite bc happy ending.

Aw Cassiebear, you're the best. Stars, billions and billions of stars.

Do you know what a drawbridge is? It doesn't hold the weight of a single car when it is drawn up to allow boat traffic through.

Walking across a bridge in Seattle last night, I noticed that people are starting to put locks on the railings. That shit better stop quick because it's a drawbridge - a ton of extra weight on the railings will eventually break the damn bridge. Jeez people, think before you act.

[Husband] also made the mistake of saying "But it was only 40 minutes!" I offered to stab him in the crotch for only 40 minutes.

You are my favorite, for standing up in the birthing pool like Sissy Spacek in Carrie, covered in gross.

I used to travel a ton for work, and once got on a flight where everyone in my row and the row ahead of me were in the wrong seats. Some guy was in my comfy aisle seat, I asked him to move, he gives the excuse that someone was in his window seat, that guy and his wife say they only sat there because some other couple…

Tracey Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) is a goddamned American treasure.

He wasn't "sharing a home" with his parents or providing them elder care. He was mooching & jobless by choice while he tried to "find" himself. Conveniently for him, he found himself around the same time his parents told him he needed to move out.

Nailed it. A frenemy once told me, in all earnestness, that he had no respect for people who don't feel passionately about what they do, or who work jobs "just for the paycheck." At the time, he was entering year 2 of his mid-life crisis at 41 and living with his 70-year-old parents.

Best Mad Libs ever. Glad you're still with us, Erin, while stupid Tracie and dumb Lindy leave [kicks rock]. (Jk, love those girls too.)