Remember, he’s not an athlete who made a mistake: he’s a criminal who can swim.

And since they’re lazy, coddled federal employees, a lot of them will be black! WE’RE ENTRUSTING OUR SAFETY TO ARMED NEGROES!

*Tell secretary to buy him new shower curtain*

Problem: Graham doesn’t have a spouse.

There’s been a few responses to this letter but this one is my favorite (H/T Backtalk).

Cleveland Mayor Frank Jackson is sorry about the publicity about the bill Tamir Rice’s family received for the ambulance

It’s almost like you’re implying that you can’t go to the Kardasihians for solid evidence based medical advice.

Heb’s cocina. Stay a while. Cry a while. Reflect on the fact that Heb’s campaign is the equivalent of putting all of your helado in the pantry and all of your cereal in the freezer and all of your dreams in the garbage compactor.

I think I’ve finally reached the point where I understand Cher’s tweets. It took me awhile to get used to the structure and how she translates her thoughts, but it’s nice. Every tweet is like a text from Grandma.

But...how girl get pragnent? How is babby formed?

If it were really an estrogen cabal, wouldn’t we have gotten Elizabeth Warren running instead?

Movies Featuring a Strong Female Lead

Doba has queso. Chipotle does not have queso. Heretofore, Doba > Chipotle.

Even. If. Vaccines. Did. Cause. Autism. Which. They. Do. Not. An. Autistic. Child. Is. Still. An. Alive. Child.

put in 50-hour weeks

Wait? What the frick? How the heck do these numbknocks not know that bloggers frequently use adult language? Personally, I think that these people should eat caca and die. I mean seriously. If you’re complaining about harsh language on the internet, you deserve to choke to death after eating all of the weewees. I want…

If you or someone you know is struggling with domestic violence, call the national domestic abuse hotline at 1-800-799-3224

People keep saying “neurotic” like it’s a bad thing. Refusing to sit with my back to the door at a restaurant has kept me alive for this long, thank you and shut up.

Probably the same way you would steal an officer’s gun and shoot yourself in the back with it.

Obviously we know that we have a better chance of being attacked by someone known to us. But that doesn’t mean, as evidenced by this example, that it never happens. We get attacked by strangers and by people who are known to us. What do you think the solution to that is? You bring up this idea to derail the current…