good story, excellent humble brag

On the plus side, you get to wear the color purple a lot more. On the not plus side, we give Kobe the keys to all our players’ houses. He usually doesn’t use the keys at all, but sometimes he does and the great thing is you never know when he will! When he does, it’s just typical Kobe pranks like killing your dog in…

A long time ago I took a programming job with a very small (four employees in a bathroom-sized office, the production server was in a closet) healthcare startup run by a complete moron who used his father’s money to illustrate that he had literally no idea how to do anything other than whine and stomp his feet when he…

Yep, not ok on any level, especially because of where the original comment came from. The other stuff, ending in my long conversation with the parent company’s HR chief, well, I take my share of blame for that. I could have handled it better. I just foolishly thought that my long-time demonstrated loyalty was actually…

I’m an atheist and so is my ex, and we didn’t baptize the offspring, which was a major big deal for both of our families. My ex’s mother once casually brought up that she saw nothing wrong with a grandmother secretly baptizing her grandchild if the parents wouldn’t do it. I was pretty doormat-ish at the time and…

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

35B/C don’t have guns. They have gun pods, which have failed every single time they were attempted to be used on a previous gun-less aircraft.

We once took my grandparents out to a restaurant for their anniversary. It was an authentic German restaurant, at least as authentic as someone can get in the United States, and my grandparents were both born and raised Germans. For the meal, there were no complaints. It was good food. But my grandpa kept this look on…

I once shorted a man a nickel, you would’ve thought I just ran over his grandchildren with a car made out of Matlock episodes.

You mean like this gem?

“What’s wrong honey?”

In a disruptive economy, I think airbnj has a nice sound.

YASSSS. So two summers ago my (now) fiance got invited to a wedding for a really distant friend he hadn’t seen much since high school. We were perplexed by the invite but decided to go. The wedding was really weird (first dance was “Purple Stuff” and these people were band nerds) and awkward (white MOH “rapped” her…

When I was a kid we went to the wedding of someone on my mother’s side of the family. We never saw that side, so myself and my siblings only knew maybe 3 people in attendance. I think my sister was about 17 at the time. She had been making eyes at some random guy, and then they started hanging out on the dance floor.…

If you’re smart (or at least, good at taking tests), high school is ridiculously easy WITHOUT applying yourself. The problem, at lesat for me, was that college WASN’T easy and I had no idea how to study or even put in effort. Took me a while.

Okay, this isn’t a hook up, but a story of a guy who wanted to hook up with me at a wedding (so typical, cause I was a bridesmaid). So, it’s the reception time and I’m dancing my ass off. This cute guy starts dancing around me, and then he says the best pick up line I’ve ever heard: “I can’t dance, but I sure can…

There is no khaki fetish porn.

You’d break into the Patriots’ computers only to discover you’d actually hacked a dummy system set up specifically to attract and trap enterprising hackers. All their important information is stored in card catalogue form and stored in Belichick’s office/bedroom/bathroom/basement which are all the same room.

I considered making more Kinja accounts so that you could have all the stars.

“There was LeBron, in one instance I witnessed from right behind the bench, shaking his head vociferously in protest after one play Blatt drew up in the third quarter of Game 5, amounting to the loudest nonverbal scolding you could imagine.”