Monogamy is silly, especially for humans.

I think morning people are the big entitled assholes — they are so goddamn self-righteous and proud of their morning asses. They'll schedule shit for the ass-crack of dawn and act all superior when you show up shaking and looking like you just got whacked upside the head with a two-by-four. They brag about coming in…

Right? Some people on the more extreme side of the body modification scale can hold really intelligent discussions on their decisions to do what they do, examine their own motivations, deconstruct criticisms.

I feel like not only is VICE trolling us, but this girl is trolling us with her entire existence. Dedication?

I read "CSI Miami" in the headline and thought i'd.....

I think that whole meth teeth thing is bullshit. I've been drinking Diet Dr. Pepper for 20 years and my teeth are fine. Both of them.

Come on you have to admit it was brilliant to have the school for the deaf win.

Now if only India would try to do something about the men that immolate their wives so they can claim it was a kitchen accident and not be charged with murder. Last I checked less than 5% of cases are looked into as murder and some aren't even officially reported. Unofficial reports estimate over 100,000 fire-related…

My go to response to "what are you?" is, "I'm a starfish." After some momentary confusion they generally get how FUCKING INAPPROPRIATE the question is.

"Im pretty sure most of us have taken a glance at a guy or gal and thought "meh" until they swooned us with charm."

"Oh you're black AND German? Haha, how ironic!"

I don't use a wetsuit. Is it worth it? There's a late season race that I have thought about doing but have shied away from because you almost have to use a wetsuit. What is it like to swim in one?

The most generous version of the woman who thought it was okay to pet you:

There is a product made specifically for this: Monistat Ant-chafing gel. If you are oily of face, it also doubles as a great makeup primer!

Dude, you should have turned around and started touching her hair all nonchalant-like and been like, "I'm LizLemons-GymBag. What the fuck are you?"

Wait, wait, wait.

I can only speak from my experience as a non-white American, but my problem is less about the color of the person asking and the fact that very rarely do white people in America receive this same line of questioning. It's America—a salad bowl of mixed nationalities and ethnicities and backgrounds, yet people still see…

At least in a petting zoo you would get peanuts.

Fatniss Everdeen

I am fucking dying right now. Can I use this? Actually, fuck you and your permission; I'm going to use it liberally.