I work really hard at my job, guys.

I was getting ready to leap to your defense.

I really can't wait for that stupid spam account to win "best story" when the Pissing Contest question is about how much money you made last week.

This MIGHT be my favorite news story ever, narrowly edging the guy who mooned a bunch of Hell's Angels, threw a puppy at them, and escaped on a bulldozer.

Holy shit. Never have the words "clicked anyway, was not disappointed" been more appropriate, brava!

This woman's mug shot is just Art. Bad Life Choices: A Portrait.

OMG! We now have Assault Weed in Florida?!? What next? Mallomars of Doom?

because menstruation attracts bears!! you cant have bears around while you practice for Wimbledon. duh!!!

These two make me appreciate Lorde even more.

I may or may not use Taco Bell strategically as a laxative.

A little late to this but I've got one...

Cable news is a flat circle.

YOU GUYS. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.

I nominate a name change to Jizzabel. For just one day. ONE DAY.

ETA:

Oh come on. More details on who. I'm dying.

I really enjoyed the first episode of his show. He has a barely contained enthusiasm along with a "I can't really believe they are letting me do this" attitude that is amazingly appealing. And it was genuinely funny.

I think this one's my favorite: