I guess we’re lucky Trump didn’t put this guy in charge of HUD.

On the bright side, I don’t think concussions can do much damage here.

Somewhere, Aaron Hernandez is thinking, “Thank God I made it out of that place alive.”

Rex Ryan finally figured out how to decide a quarterback competition.

It's heartening that there will always be a job in an NFL PR office for even the most useless nephew.

You left out the part where the bishops promised to pray reeeeeeally hard for all the women and children who get tetanus.

I almost got angry at this condescending sh*t, but then I decided to save my rage for next month's inevitable "How To Talk To A Woman About Voting" article instead.

Woody Allen once said, "80% of life is just showing up." I think the Jets could do worse than starting Woody Allen next week.

No matter what he says, I see a man still rockin' a heavy post-breakup beard. Ryan misses you, Buffalo.

Thank you, TMZ, for not releasing that elevator footage.

AND NOW DeSean Jackson wants RGIII's jersey number. This is how gang wars get started, right?

I officially volunteer to man a bake sale table with Bill Belichick - if only to see the withering look of soul-crushing contempt on his face every time he's asked which muffins are gluten-free.

Maybe some of the hard-bodied, world-class athletes sleeping inches away from each other should share a pillow...and maybe someone should Instagram a photo of that.

Ignorance is bliss, but this is probably delirium. Or delusion...Delusion.

Maybe they were afraid Shanahan would say something about the organization's incompetence on the way to his car. Crisis averted, guys!!!

It's not good, but, after Richie Incognito, my first thought was, "at least he didn't rub the microphone on his genitals." The bar is set in a sad, low place...literally.

Does it bother anyone else that the lady in the drawing doesn't have a head?

"I can do whatever I want. I'm The Kraken."

Too kind, Bill. I thank you.

If the National Endowment for the Arts doesn't give them a grant, I don't even know what I pay taxes for.