You would think that, somewhere, in all their many departments, at least one person would be able to come up with an algorithm that knows when a dick is being sucked.

I searched “below average” and got a nice selfie.

Ooooh, what about a Kirlian “aura” photo?

Or as a reply to your dentist’s office sending you an alert reminder for your upcoming appointment.

Here’s “Kevin,” a 50-year-old comedian:

Willingness to have some sex with a woman does not make any particular dude special; it’s like bragging that you can breathe through both nostrils.

That’s what usually stops me from fulfilling my life’s ambitions. Put on pants? Pffft.

You are all so brave

See, someone’s a little sensitive. It’s a completely equitable equivalence IF you have any understanding of psychology. You think your kid is important and valuable. Others think their dogs are important and valuable. Point is, you don’t get to determine value. Hence, the law steps in when people become so anti social…

Hate to break it to you, but so did the food in that meal.

The new culinary trend is tricking people into eating mayo by calling it “aioli”.

Blasphemy. I’m a Scott 1000 guy until the day I die.

Even if you lean back, it’s still hard (hehehe) on your body.

“But, anyway, to hell with Georgia.”

Agreed.

That was a typo that has been corrected. Sorry!

“17 of the 16 contestants went to the N.I.H.”

7. Proudly/Shamefully proclaim “Look what I made” while pointing at it (this also works with your children.)

And then you probably end up trying to win Brittany’s love in a ski competition, before realizing your good friend Denise was the one you should have been with all along.

"Less we forget the sleepover of 2000. Oh that raft has seen some action Mary. I assure you."