Because if you take away the snow and add wheels and un-lame it just a bit then it's somehow not a legitimate sport fit for the Olympics.

"I was tweeted many angry things in a language I don't understand."

I get that you're merely assuming that all the Russian tweets were full of anger and vitriol; nevertheless, this is sloppy—you don't understand x language yet can attest to the content and mood of messages written in x language? How does that work?

Cherry-bombing the toilet, obviously. Or maybe smearing poop on the walls.

rebeccarosewriter@gmail.com
@AmericasBaby1

Perhaps you could e-mail the author so she could update her story with the information she should have had before she published it in the first place.

Well, obviously we'll have to take your word for it, but this is just the sort of corroboration that this story actually requires.

Yeah, don't get me wrong; I agree that part is disturbing, and I wasn't trying to downplay that aspect of this whole fiasco. But the primary thrust of the article is the possibility that there's a brewery shilling a beer called "Mouth Raper," a claim that is not verified even a little bit.

OK, here is the lone fact I gleaned: not a single person involved in this story (its author included) has verified a single element of said story. You should have led with that to save me some time. Let me lead with the fact that none of what I'm about to say is a defense of the name "Mouth Raper" and I'm not spouting…

...crass and opportunistic?

• Dodge & Burn, $10,000 for a decent photograph of anything

You accidentally spelled "asshat" on the Internet. Take a look at the byline; you can't miss it.

If there's a write-in option, I'm voting for her in 2016 even if she isn't nominated. Even if she isn't running; I don't care. I was so disappointed (and honestly a bit shocked) when she didn't wrap up the nomination in 2008.

Nor shall I be, thanks to this.

Shame on you for omitting Animals Close-Up with a Wide-Angle Lens.

Let us rejoice. If a post like this doesn't elicit a single Bugs-Bunny-sawing-Florida-off-the-map .gif, even from a buffoon Deadspin reader, I think we can safely say that the meme is well and truly dead.

Step 10: Fail miserably at steps 1-9. File for bankruptcy.

How the hell is Kornheiser not even given an honorable mention?

Goddammit. When I saw the phrase, "professional dipshit," I thought you'd be excoriating Hamilton Nolan.

Silly. The "K" stands for "ketamine." How else do you think he pulled off the threesome?