What makes me insane about conspiracy theorists is that the government does PLENTY of evil shit that’s supported by actual evidence and that is still happening. Vaccines don’t cause autism, but California did just get caught forcibly sterilizing female prisoners (which, I think, is a good reason to believe this is…

Ugh. The cynical know-it-all-ism paired with the absolutely terrible argument in this comment is just the worst.

The Boof Fallowing, brother of the Doof Warrior.

Judith is still allowed to decapitate Holofernes, but G-d forbid she drives to the Assyrian camp.

The Girl Scouts are like the kickass, social justice nuns to the Boy Scouts archaic, hypocritical priests.

Seriously, I never get why people hold this against the barista. They didn’t come up with the name scheme and are most likely just trying to make sure the customer knows what size they’re getting. They’re also probably going to get chewed out by some shift supervisor if they don’t say the right name for the sizes.…

You realize it’s part of their job to call the product by the terms dictated by their boss, right? Like, maybe don’t take it out on the lowest person on the totem pole.

God, this would probably look like two albino bats trying to flap their way out of a corner.

My mum would read my diary and get pissed off if I wrote something mean about her or one of my sisters or a teacher, etc. I was not a terribly rebellious kid; it was so obvious that I wasn’t going to parties or drinking or anything, but she read that damn thing anyway just to be nosy. Once I figured out what she was…

As a single mother of two teens and nearly a third (12-year-old turns thirteen in August) I have to say that IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY. When my kids were little all I ever heard from parents with older kids was “ohhhh, just wait until they’re teenagers.” As a result, I was terrified of having teens. Turns out…

Me too! I started wearing garish colors when I lived at home and would run on the roads because it made my mother happy to think that it would help me be visible to motorists. Now it’s just what I wear for running. If I wind up in something neutral like black pants and a blue shirt, it almost feels wrong. Tennis-ball…

THIS. The more ridiculous the neon, the better.

'(A) a movie date, at which Cai didn't know how to handle me crying at Interstellar, and at which I tried to explain myself with a mixture of horrifically rudimentary Mandarin and gestures, and ended up tearfully exclaiming something along the lines of "THE PAPA LOVES MURPH"'

Me too! It's like anticipation of every word. Exhausting to read.

When I was in elementary school my mom took my sister and me to the park. There was a trail that went around a hill but it was narrow and I was scared to go any further. My mom left me at the base. She told me to meet her at the playground but I got lost. When she found me I was so upset I kicked her in the shins.

'Birthday-havers at our Beverly Hills location be damned, all Vanderpump ice cream goes upon Sur Cobbler!" - Lisa, apparently

Seriously! Is it Revenant Cobbler and they're trying to keep it in the grave?

A friend of mine in college screamed "TAKE THAT, YOU FEY DAGO BASTARD" at Mario 64 and it was so funny I fell off the bed.

Do you not know how months are organized?