I blame Gagliardi for all these ties.

Excuse me, Bernie was under a voodoo curse in the sequel so he could lead the bad guys to the buried treasure, hence why he was walking. Perfectly logical.

Excuse me, Bernie was under a voodoo curse in the sequel so he could lead the bad guys to the buried treasure, hence why he was walking. Perfectly logical.

Mike Shanahan made me feel good when he left Washington. Does that count?

EXTRA EXTRA—Fighting Occurs at Fight!

There’s a US Men’s National Soccer team? Wow, what will they come up with next!

I can’t Google this being that I’m at work... But there’s gotta be a porn parody called “Dick-Off,” right?

Renaming the villain Asstor Troy was considered a bad move.

And shouldn’t it be Dan Spätzle?

Never count out Bob Slouvlaki for the Greek team. 

I bet you a penne he can and more!

“I would like to take his ass... off.”

Ass-Off, the unloved sequel to Face-Off, never did find an audience, probably due to its convoluted plot.

I’m sure each week’s winner will be flushed. 

They absolutely should not be fucking each other on the field! What a sure-fire way to grab delay-of-game penalties!

Definitely worth more than $2. It’s a really fun read, super trippy. 

Definitely worth more than $2. It’s a really fun read, super trippy. 

This one goes out to Jason’s grandfather. GODDAMMIT RUDY.

I would have totally become a scientist if I knew it meant giving sea creatures psychotropics drugs.

Honestly, it could have been worse.

Way to stick the landing!