also probably, "and does she have pizza?"

You've been Kinja'd.

Oh, fuck, this is so gross. Feet, man. No can do.

Word. My house was built in 1959. Only one who can walk in my closet is the cat.

My go bag is a booty call bag. Extra toothbrush, condoms, tissues, etc. I wouldn't get very far, but I'd have a good time.

Yeah, this has actually happened to me, but thankfully I wasn't arrested or shit. But I was super pissed and I had to burn things and I didn't want my house to catch fire so the park sounded like a good idea. (The officer was a woman and she was just like "girllll I feel you, just put that fire out and we good".)

My husband was also my high school sweetheart for 3 years, and back in the day he was a super prolific love letter writer - 5-8 page letters, written on scrolled paper & tied with red ribbons - they were FANTASTIC. We broke up & went our separate ways for 10 years, during which time I married another [really horrible]…

THAT CLOCK.

I've never been sent a love letter. I don't think love emails probably count although I could maybe print them out in a fancy font. My wardrobe has old paintings, yarn, and a werewolf mask. How's my adulting? Call 0800-1-D0NT-KN0W-WHAT-1M-D01NG

Wow. You seriously are surrounded by a lot of assholes. I really hope that you are able to ignore the bullshit somehow. The death of a boyfriend is tragic at any age, I just think it's less common amongst people in their 20's. Maybe that's why you are surrounded by so many lacking empathy? Their age?

Thank you. I am so very sorry about your boyfriend. No one has any business telling you when and how to move on. No one.

I have a repertoire of cat-treat songs that I sing to my kitty, so he'll run to the cupboard. They are cheery and all about how he used to be a hungry little street cat ,but now he can have snacks whenever he wants. I use different rhyme structures to keep us both amused and also sing about whatever flavor I'm going…

do you inspect the hell out of your Biore strips, sometimes with reading glasses?

I ran over a cat on the highway once and had to pull over because I was crying so much. A highway patrol stopped and I was crying and it was around Christmas so it was all "merry Christmas, I killed your pet." He tried to make me feel better by telling me that maybe it was a wild cat and not someone's pet. He was…

Jesus can't save you from the wrath of Teamcat HQ.

This is an unnecessarily hostile response to a post in which I said I'd be open to other opinions. Also, it really misrepresents what I said, please re-read.

tay haters, just bring it right here and talk to me, no need for you all to make yourselves look dumb and messy all over the place.

TCHQ here,

Wrong.

I always read these articles in Stefon's voice.