Having a miscarriage is just proof that you didn't want the baby enough so God decided not to let you keep it, and not wanting the baby is practically the same thing as having an abortion and everyone knows abortion is murder. The previous sentence is a paraphrase of an actual thing an actual person said to my…

I know it was meant as an insult, but FREE MONEY!!! What did you buy?

God, yes, it's like my bone marrow is on fire when I think about him. Jeeeesus.

(I'm going to get a "DON'T FUCK EOIN, HE HURTS YOUR FEELINGS" tattoo across my chest, backward, Memento-style.)

Plz try

The guy whose "thing" was being barefoot all the time. Barefoot Dave.

That'd be 90% of them. Seriously, I can't even narrow it down to a Top 10.

But there's still a Valhalla, right? Because if I'm not going to die a valiant death escorted into the afterlife by Valkyries, then my whole life has been a lie.

My dad was a philandering narcissist who apparently never heard of condoms, and as a result I have multitudes of half-siblings that are always popping out of the woodwork and coming out to meet the family. I've sometimes bristled under the dysfunction, but I suddenly feel really grateful that none of us has ever…

Imma sit this one out.

I actually loved that movie.

Congratulations, white people! We did it again!

Doppelbangers.

That ain't even right... But it's how I feel about Benedict and Sophie.

Kenna needs to slow the fuck down.

Level of surprise: 2.5/10.

Look Science, I don't know that I exactly care what it is. I just want to know how to do it. Just to add to my list of abilities. For me.

I mean, how hard could it be to collect samples and run a chemical analysis?

"Other" means I don't want most people's kids at/in my wedding, but there are a couple who I actually give a shit about who should be there. I want my only niece there. I don't want my fiance's college roommate's stepdaughter there. Too many kids can get out of control, they don't tend to like weddings anyway unless a…