You can probably cut a dick off with just about anything, if you're patient enough.

I'll always love LA Confidential, but basically, yeah. He's always been a gigantic egotistical prick.

Can I substitute virgin bloody Marys for the blood of virgins?

I have to agree, this wasn't quite the grossest thing I've ever read or experienced, but then, I'm a nurse with great experience in Interventional Proctology. But as first efforts go, it's not bad. Here's a pro tip for all: don't dig in your pooper with your fingers on a daily basis. It leads to prolapse of the anus.…

Mad isn't the right word.

Con yourself into a membership there and once you've gained their trust and complacence BAM lay the menstruation poetry on em!

wow. You are not alone in completely inappropriate but exceedingly hilarious and adorable visions of cowboy toddlers...

You mean a good toddler with a gun, don't you? After all, the only thing that stops a bad toddler with a gun is a good toddler with a gun.

These "child shoots mother/brother/sister/neighbor" stories are heartbreaking. Because this child's mother was so irresponsible, this little boy will have to live his entire life with the burden of having killed her. Hopefully he's too young to remember.

If only there had been a good guy with a gun there to shoot that baby.

Nah son, this one is.

the most adorable picture of a POTUS ever

I don't care what anyone thinks of him as President, but I dare someone to say that this isn't the most adorable picture of a POTUS ever.

A unicorn tail anal insert!?

Exactly. Find a starbucks you never care about frequenting again/where the baristas won't give you side-eye for bringing in a different OKCupid date every Sunday, have a coffee with your stranger-date, walk out and text your friend about how it went. Carry on from there.

Well, being on OKC for a while, you can usually spot the weirdos within the first couple of messages.

How's this:

You understand that this was a joke, right? It was hyperbole. I know this doesn't matter in the context of this post, but I also teach so I know that there's a lot more that goes into it.

Nachos baked in the oven are what's up.

Conservatives and misogynists have spent the last 40 years or so engaging in a misinformation campaign to scare as many women away from feminism as possible by labeling it unfeminine, angry, humorless, man-hating, etc. The core concept of "women are full-fledged human beings and should be treated as such in all ways"…