I mean, that's nice and all, but I am a "real" woman and I am covered in stretch marks, scars, and cellulite. So we need to go one step further and really look at plus size bodies in real life and what they look like and what women's insecurities might be!

If this was as difficult to assemble as it was to read, I hope you get some time off soon. That was downright chilling and you deserve some sort of medal.

Your math sucks.

I hope Gawker contributor Dog writes an open letter in response to Jezebel's deplorable, irresponsible dog-whistle politics.

We at Team Dog regret this incident and plan on investigating further.

Really? We all complain from time to time, but I don't know anyone who actually regrets having them or would tell someone else not to. I'm not 100% overjoyed by my kids every moment of every day but just thinking about not having them makes me well up. On the days they are particularly irritating or exhausting my…

I think her hands are more pink based and the more sort of beige color is like the glove-line end of some flesh-colored sleeves tohide her arm tatttoos?

Years ago, I went on a trip with my dad to Acadia National Park. At some point, he decided to take a nap in the tent, and I went on a walk in the woods. It was peaceful and lovely, and I was feeling one with nature, so much so that when I happened upon two chipmunks fighting off the side of the trail, I stopped to…

I'm an events planner and one of my conferences was at a resort where the Diocese of Pittsburgh or something was there as well. A bunch of priests crashed our party and were really enjoying our open bar. The awkward part was that one of my attendees had dressed up as the pope and had two others as nuns. So we have…

These are completely adorbs, but in point of fact, Betty White predates sliced bread (source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/26/his…).

The secret handshake needs to be a jerking-off gesture.

Christ, now I really want to know what your given name was.

I swear to god, if I have to hear one more guy tell me I should just appreciate the compliment I'm going to lose my shit.

Yes, which is why I love Dave Barry's story about going to pick his kid up in the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile from middle school. He KNEW how mortifying it would be, and so he just couldn't wait to do it.

Solution: rip on the kids' artwork. "Macaroni picture? More like craparoni! It's like you've never even heard of the rule of thirds. What are you, 6? Oh. Well still."

Jane Austen! No, no, no. Her Beatrice in Much Ado About Nothing, when Kenneth Branagh was her Benedict (and they were still married in real life) is my dream thing for her to read me. Literally just their lines.

*Twoo wuv

The Princess Bride is a fucking national cultural treasure, as far as I'm concerned. It's an incredible movie with great lines. My sister and I even have a pact that each others weddings we have to start our speeches with "Mawwige! Mawwige is what brings us togefer today!"

What made the Princess Bride so amazing? Let me count the ways...

Actually, you're incorrect. Given that one billion people all over the world are Muslim, and assuming half of those billion are women, I find it really hard to believe that your'e able to make such a stark generalization about all of them. It would be similar to equating all Christians to the Westboro Baptist Church.