There are no NHL franchises in the locations you speak of.

Seriously, though: empirically, it’s lower scoring, and while we’re not quite at a pre-’05 lockout clutch-and-grab game, as a lifelong NHL fan I’m starting to get a little bit bored again. The league keeps trending that way, and it’s been like that for awhile…

To be “fair,” it sort of got overshadowed by Rasmus Ristolainen murdering Jake Guentzel a little later in the game. But even that was a questionable hip check where Guentzel lost track of the puck about a second before Ristolainen labeled him. Crosby literally hit a guy in the dick. Is there no honor?

After Tuesday night’s brutal dick-shot to Ryan O’Reilly, he wouldn’t even come out of the dressing room to meet with his family and friends. They were escorted back to meet him, which... is not how that usually works. So, he has some sense of shame. But, seriously, what the fuck is this?

I like Crosby! He plays…

I was incredibly disappointed to learn that Dr. Prospero Gogo is, in fact, a medical doctor named Prospero Gogo, and his first name is not actually Dr. I feel like he should be disqualified on those grounds, since that makes him at least 75% less ridiculous.

Just a thing about the Zelda theme that I’ve noted with its use in this game: that’s a TERRIBLE name for it, because it is totally Link’s leitmotif now. It subtly creeps into the score every time he does something really heroic. SPOILERS...

I don’t think it’s limited to the Blood Moon. I’m pretty sure the code for time-based events outside of the day/night cycle itself is badly glitched. I’ve had other stuff happen that makes no sense, like:

My breath caught for a second there this afternoon.

Think I might have to set my alarm a little earlier than usual tomorrow. Y’know, just for the hell of it.

I see what you did there.

I do not approve.

“These are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but that he stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.”

It’s easy to cheer for flag and country. It’s…

$130K? What constitutes a mid-level bureaucrat to you?

I’m a super casual baseball fan, so I was fucking shocked when I looked at the rule book and saw that this wouldn’t be fan interference. How the fuck did that not get written into the rules? Or is it covered by another rule that I’m not finding?

And bitter as hell about it, yes.

Well, this is sure to fan the flames of my undying hatred of Finland.

There is almost zero chance that one would choose to make that specific statement in this context without knowing how fucking stupid it was.

Shockingly, this is not unique. There’s a restaurant in the United Center with a view of the hallway that (I think) links the basketball and hockey dressing room hallways. There’s a glass wall, though, so not entirely the same.

What Has Always Sucked:

I would say, “Well, her first question about every foreign policy situation wasn’t ‘why don’t we nuke them?’ so she seemed comparably okay."

Dammit. I was just hoping that all of Deadspin suddenly loved me. Way to ruin my fun.

Listen, it was either this guy or his proctologist, and when that guy picks up Trump’s language and interprets it to his own...

This explains why I saw Peter Thiel hanging out with the lead singer from Smash Mouth recently. Coincidentally, this is the first time since Shrek came out that anybody wanted to hang out with the lead singer from Smash Mouth, so it’s a double win for that dude.

Vince McMahon would never allow it. Think of what would happen to SummerSlam every four years!