That was my history textbook in high school! THE BEST BOOK.

We were warned Really Seriously in high school health class Never To Do This Ever because Bad Things Would Happen.

This sounds like it would be really bad for my carbon footprint?

That is exactly what my wisdom tooth pain feels like! Take some ibeuprofen and a nap. But also go to the dentist! They might say "whoops nope you have gingivitus" or "no there's an alien in your mouth". Dentists know when things like that are up.

Oh my goodness. You're almost above freezing!

oh my goodness he is so large it is amazing

I might have squee'd while reading this story.

I mean, it's pretty clear that Abby enjoys playing as a princess, so it IS fun for her.

I don't know who Ashley Judd is, but 'puffy face' just reminds me of chipmunk faces.

Several degrees? I'm impressed.

Also macaroni and cheese? I can't tell if that's macaroni and cheese or cheesy potatoes. Either way I guess it would be delicious.

+1

That seems legit.

YES

Everyone keeps referencing coke in the comments and I'm just thinking "I will never ever ever drink Coca-Cola again."

I dunno man the USPS is still pretty important

dear jezebel i'm getting my wisdom teeth and it's painful and THE ELECTION IS TONIGHT

Water does have DNA, that's how it reproduces.

It's because Romney is like "oh I won't overturn these things like hospital visitation rights and Don't Ask Don't Tell," presumably because he'll be too busy overturning things like Obamacare.

I feel like this pumpkin bread tower story is excellent. Please, elaborate.