One of the guys on my team (jokingly) complained that the girls didn’t have to wear ties and could wear skirts so we stole his ties,wore them and donated a few dresses to him. We still think he might wear one!

And the world didn’t explode! IMAGINE THAT! hahah

I used to feel so awkward dapping up a group of my guy friends and then getting to a girl and not knowing what to do, so I just started dapping up the girls too.

Oh, the fucking handshakes! I don’t think I’ve ever gotten to shake hands with a man in a business context without him stopping to say some condescending shit like “Oh ho ho, what a firm grip you have!” like I’m a particularly clever toddler who just demonstrated she knows how to use a light-switch. For older guys…

When you meet people for the first time and they shake everyone in the group’s hand but yours because you are the only woman. Legit they drop the last man’s hand, look at me and then smile and nod. OHHOHOHOHOFUCK THAT I just stick my hand out obnoxiously and wait until they get uncomfortable and have to shake it. And…

I work in education, specifically special education, so this isn’t usually an issue at my school site, though I have seen instances where, say, a male psychologist on the team insists that he is the only person who makes eligibility decisions, when in fact those are team decisions.

Having lived through my share of this type of experience in school, I make sure to emphasize to my kids repeatedly that if they need the bathroom for WHATEVER reason, get up and go. I give no fucks about teacher authority when it comes to needing the facilities. I tell the kids to take care of their bodies and I'll…

A guy I was dating flaked on a date because he apparently hurt his back wearing a kilt escorting his little sister to her prom.

Somewhat related: in middle school, right as I was walking in to my class after lunch, I realized, oh shit, my period! So I told the teacher I had to go to the bathroom (which was literally across the hall, ten feet away). He refused because "You had all of lunch to go to the bathroom!" I told him I had my period…

You Don't Understand My Hair.

I once called in to work because my sweater was covered in human excrement. My boss called bullshit.

She was very surprised when I showed up and - lo! - the San Francisco MUNI and its delightful population of crazies had, in fact, throw feces at me that morning.

(She gave me an hour off to go home and change, but made…

this is one I actually used. I was five years old, playing with my cousins at my Babcia's house. She was making dinner and was a terrible cook. When she called us in for dinner, I told her I couldn't eat because I was sick. She asked what was wrong, and I told her it was prostate cancer.

"Iraq has weapons of mass destruction."

Me and my friends that I met at that job still occasionally say that to each other, 5 years later.

I AM THE PIE is a really great thing to yell.

I had to stay late at work one day and the only two people there were myself and the owner of the company I worked for. It was around Halloween time and I had a huge bag of candy corn. Once the owner notices that I'm still at work we have the following conversation.

One time a boy I liked in high school told me he couldn't hang out with me because he had just gotten his hair cut. I texted him about hanging out in the early afternoon, inviting him to hang out with me and my friends that night (I think I texted him at 2 PMish to ask if he wanted to chill at 7 PMish). He told me he…

My absolute FAVORITE excuse in high school was that I was having "feminine issues." Worked like a charm on our 50 years old-ish male former jock type Dean of Students! I loved watching his face everytime I dead-panned that bogus excuse for cutting class.

I had a co-worker that would fake an asthma attack whenever he didn't want to work, this would happen about once a week. He also would refuse to dust any of the fixtures because of his asthma. One time he was in the (empty) break room and another employee walked by and heard him on the phone saying he was leaving…

A punk guy I had a date which he cancelled on me last minute. His reason? "I have to do my laundry." Obviously not true because punks don't wash their clothes! And if they did, it wouldn't be at night. Pretty sure he was off fucking someone else, which would have been fine, just DON'T LIE TO ME AND WASTE MY TIME.