This comment is everything wrong with America.

For some reason I kept reading “Ferrari Guy” as “Guy Fieri.”

Ariel wasn’t a fish, though! If anything, she lacked the capacity to love Eric because she was 15 and kind of a moron.

They are dancing, like all families do after escaping deadly run-ins with a deranged psychopath.

Perhaps if she falls off the dock again she will get knocked up? Isn’t that how this works in Sci-Fi movies? You do the thing you did before to get the opposite effect?

OK. I need everyone to know this:

I am also from a small town, so cosigned. You can’t do anything around there. Plus, he’s clearly a bad guy with those tattoos.

They should have just called this thing A Deadly Dock. A Dockly Adoption. Dock dock dock

“It must get hard, Robert”

When I was a young kid (not that young actually, but we’re going with young) I used to get all my money changed to quarters and carry it around in a money pouch and pretend I was rich and also in the middle ages or something.
This is not relevant to your story but I thought I would share.

The other day I noticed a bunch of Oreo crumbs had accumulated in my collarbones while I was eating in bed laying down. Sexy y/n?

I can’t believe you didn’t buy the midget cowboy suspenders! Also, I am amazed that the word “muumuu” exists. Great post, can’t wait for more of them!

Would it surprise you to learn that Tilda Swinton was made of pure sunshine?

As a diabetic I feel like I should appreciate her efforts. As a human being with ears, I feel like I want to punch her with Snickers knucks*.

*They’re like brass knuckles but it’s just a melted candy bar that’s been squeezed through my fist.

also major rejection is the key to success. My mom would want me to tell you that

Reposting, because fuck this noise:

You’re going to be ok. Good on you for putting yourself out there and bad on him for not even responding.

Every time I hand a man something soaked in my urine they run away.