I can’t believe you didn’t buy the midget cowboy suspenders! Also, I am amazed that the word “muumuu” exists. Great post, can’t wait for more of them!

its like that old camp song “Tie a Knot Around a Campfire and Casually Drag It Away”

Others are practical and almost comforting, like something a particularly trustworthy Boy Scout leader would tell you as he tied a knot around a campfire.

Would it surprise you to learn that Tilda Swinton was made of pure sunshine?

As a diabetic I feel like I should appreciate her efforts. As a human being with ears, I feel like I want to punch her with Snickers knucks*.

*They’re like brass knuckles but it’s just a melted candy bar that’s been squeezed through my fist.

also major rejection is the key to success. My mom would want me to tell you that

Reposting, because fuck this noise:

You’re going to be ok. Good on you for putting yourself out there and bad on him for not even responding.

omg that’s it no more campaign coverage for fox. or anyone. no one has any more campaign privileges. also no more campaigns. also no more presidents. NO MORE ANYTHING. EVERYBODY OUT.

She’s not a con artist and I’m not a skin-suit operated by sentient bees.

Every time I hand a man something soaked in my urine they run away.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Barring some shitty parts in Pittsburgh

And FFS STOP SAYING SHE’S THE SAME AS CAITLYN JENNER.

I was thinking “would you trade your grillz for it?” Because that’s the only way I can see it making a positive contribution to someone’s look.