"Well, I thought you'd have lost weight before trying to date."

I once had an "Actor" show up to a date still wearing lipstick from his job (singing carols at a christmas market...nice acting, broham) and then proceed to criticize me for wearing too much makeup. He also said "Your pictures didn't suggest you'd be fat" and I was like "I literally have a full body shot on okcupid.…

I once went out with a guy who said he was a writer, and since I'm also a writer, I asked who some of his favorite authors were. He said,

Saying "I don't know what's wrong with you, my last three girlfriends got off from three minutes of missionary."

Didn't believe in vaccinations. Ended it right there.

Throwing garbage out of car windows. Not a cigarette. Like oh I'm done with ____ rolls down window and tosses. I dated a girl who did this and was so instantly turned off because I actually didn't know grown up humans did such things.

I can't speak, cause I am from Brazil and I went to school with an 11-year-old who had a baby. She got pregnant at 10, and gave birth as soon as she turned 11.

Misterbear swears he has witnessed just this sort of family (14, 28, 42 with small children who belong to each) at least once while selling insurance down here in Jacksonville. No need to look for a trashier state; Florida's got you covered.

Now a trashier state must top Florida by having a daughter, mom, and grandma give birth on the same day. You can do it, guys! 14, 28, 42, go!

Just because someone is starving in another country doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when I get an injury; the world will always have problems, but no one can hold them all on their shoulders. One sorrow doesn't cancel another out, regardless of how petty some people think it is. First world problems is a pretty…

I'M NOT WHITE YOU FOOL.

I saw Insane Masturbatory Rampage open for Slayer in '92.

#rude

One of her "favorite things" is her own book. Never change, Oprah. Never change.

I'm sorry. I did what I could. I told my friends to vote. I delivered voter registration papers to someone's hospital room. I took someone to vote. I talked to even one of my most conservative friends about why it was important to vote No one 1. God I'm so angry, disgusted, and frustrated right now. There are many…

States that can seriously go fuck themselves tonight: Wisconsin, Michigan, Maryland (WHAT THE FUCK, MARYLAND), Colorado, Iowa, Georgia, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Kansas (REALLY Kansas), Florida, Arkansas, Louisiana, North Carolina, Alaska.

I'm trying to decide if I'd rather be a "Muppet face ass" or "trout mouth ass bitch" and I think I'd rather be a Muppet face ass, but there's room for debate.

Maybe read it in Charles Bronson's voice and change "youths" to "yoots" and have a good laugh at how bananas this whole thing is.

"...watch as youths squander early pregnancies." That statement didn't sit well with me.

Willow: I'm Joan of Arc, I figured since we have a lot in common, seeing how I was almost burned at the stake, plus, she had that close relationship with God.