My cat does this. Except he never spills the drink. #catsnotkids :o

11. If two of your relatives decide to mate noisily on the roof during dinner, either politely ignore them or go up to watch the fun.

Thanksgiving dinner is so rough when you’ve got hydrophobia.

I love it because it looks like wetsuits, and because that style makes my figure look absolutely bombin’.

Old people.

Good lord, the crab claws.

To celebrate Columbus Day, I have discovered a mall in my town! I am naming it “Queen Mary Mall”. The people at the mall seem to think it already had a name, but *I* discovered it! I mean, there were a lot of people milling around - but *I* had never been there before!

(I really thought I was going to come up empty handed on a search. But no... times 1,000)

“Andre, take me to Red Lobster.”

for the last time,

omg girl SIT BACK I HAVE A LOT TO TELL YOU!!! okay so meri was wife number 1, the legal wife. before she had children kody married janelle and then christine. they had 9,000 kids (meri only having one because of infertility issues) and lived basically all together in a modified house.

I know, it actually is good.

which one is rita ora

I do not hold it against Kim that she hates pregnancy. In fact, I think it's cool that she'll say so in public. I don't want children, anyway, but the idea of being pregnant is horrifying to me. Horrifying.

Soooo we’re just not talking about whatever happened with Kim’s upper lip? (it’s been a few years since I saw the show, and I noticed some nose differences in recent pictures but damn)

you face might balance out though, i know when i stopped washing my hair it was TERRIFYING for like a month, but then it was the thickest it’s ever been and nice and good and stuff. your face might be reacting to the irritation of all the washing and whatnot.

THANK YOU! You do not know how I have pined to hear those words! I kind of want to keep growing them out til they’re way too long and curl around because I tend to have a ‘some is good, more is better’ approach to beauty. But I won’t. Because I like wiping my own butt.

hah I feel bad but my first thought was SILVER LINING! Fuck cancer, but man would I like fat taken out of my tummy and put literally anywhere else.

How are you finding your new fake breasts? Do they feel weird?

that riiiing is so CUTE!
I also wish my nails were as nice as yours.they’re like, perfectly uniform.

Oh mannnnnn! I managed to stop biting my nails about two years ago - I’ll still chew them off if I’m stressed out but the impulse to gnaw compulsively that they had plagued me for 30 years has finally worn off. Anyway, they were crazy weak so though I wasn’t eating them anymore they were still really short because…