You've shamed yourself with this post.

Wrong again on soccer, Deadspin. Here's the best recent goal, weird division.

Believe me, anyone who ever looked at this guy knew.

I guess they've seen the Belle Knox video.

Believe it when it happens.

The problem with chicks like that is that even in the off chance that you get them back to your place, as soon as you really get warmed up they just wet your bed and disappear.

This is exactly why I can't stand college football. Refuse to watch it. The route running? Puhlease. Watching a far superior Jaguars/Browns game in December is where you'll find me.

Locked in the bathroom at the Paralympics. Where is Oscar Pistorius when you need him?

I don't know what makes her more naive, that she didn't suspect him of cheating or that she actually expects him to read that entire letter.

"Don't waste it on your girlfriend, throw it through the window of a minority-owned business."

He said IN the league.

I can't break the code.

what about mine?

Sure, his hand might have grazed his opponent's crotch, but there's a vas deferens between that and an actual shot to the junk.

Great piece, but don't tell Hamilton Nolan that being able to squat 500 won't solve all your problems.

authored by Deadspin's Drew Magary, Resident Expert in Being Bullied

"Fuckin' noobs. If you really wanna burn Shaun White, all you gotta do is rise."

What size fitted hat does Denton wear? Can we get the i-team on that? Holy crap.

"(He) had met his obligations, if as minimally as possible" is printed on my college diploma, I think.

Marshawn Lynch isn't going to turn a phrase like he's suddenly Oscar fucking Wilde. These sportswriters are spoiled fat kids. If the story doesn't come to them, during the designated hours, they get loud and fussy.