Not sure what you call Catholic school 7th-8th grade football, but I took a facemask to my gut from a teammate and I couldn’t get up. Trainer came over and said it was a “bruised stomach”. I then walked home from practice about a mile away, not being able to stand up straight. My mom saw me, told her it was a bruised…

Mommas don’t let your babies play football as babies, either. This case is important because it shows that it’s not necessarily a long career in the NFL that does it — the damage done when playing peewee, high school, and college count, but no one talks about it. Scary shit.

Mommas, don’t let your babies grow up to be NFL players.

He added, “It’s time that somebody plays grownup,”

I’m sure she does a fine job, but I think if they had wanted a CHANCE at getting some noms next award season then that role should have been played by Jennifer Lawrence.

I am now officially one of “the olds” because not one damn sentence in this article makes a damn lick of sense to me.

Fuck it; let’s Inception this shit. We’ll do a gonzo take on Genius, then a sestina on the gonzo piece, then a neo-Marxist review of the sestina...

As long as you enjoyed it who cares, right? Some people couldn’t recognize a good time even if it was splashed on their face over and over again while being fil...

Best title reappropriation EVER. All the fist bumps.

Tell me where the portal to lost socks and Chapstick is. I have some business to take care of.

I bet they have a pickpocket monkey living in their crawspace. That seems the most logical explanation to me.

That is weird. I wonder if there is a portal at their house that leads to the world of lost phones.

My ex once called me after getting out of an elevator, he was upset that the woman inside of it had hugged the wall the entire time and had rushed out when it reached her floor. He couldn’t understand why, because all he had said was "Hello" It took a long time for it to get through to him that it didn't matter that…

:-/

I met a guy at a party recently. He kept striking up a conversation with me even though it was clear (to me) that I wasn’t interested. At first, he said “wow - you’re a tough nut to crack!”, then “you seem so reserved - it must be difficult to get to know you, but I want to try! Say, Tuesday night?” (I said no). A…

“why not be honest and just tell them you’re not interested??”
oh.

Boy do I hate being a man right about now...we are assholes and murderers...

He’s that guy in high school who we all hated because he didn’t get senioritis and actually kept putting effort and then made us all look bad.

I love senior year Obama

I feel for her and while I’m glad she got her daughter back, the state and the hospital were doing their job, which was to protect the child. I’m a pediatrician and see many parents who, to be completely honest, shouldn’t be taking care of their children without help. I’m not saying everyone with some developmental…