Jesus christ, you’re a fucking tool if you’re giving advice like that.

I don’t have to tell you that Tom Haverford from Parks and Recreation is the go-to guru for all things sheet related. Time for a rewatch of that episode, methinks.

This is pretty much the reason I read Deadspin, because of comments like this. You’re a smart man, Samer. Thanks!

There are times in life where I think, “You know, maybe human beings aren’t wasted,” and it’s amazing women like this that make me feel in awe of women and their strengths and perseverance, especially in the face of what I’m sure has been a lifetime of serious discrimination and hardship. Marie for president!

Yea, thank your lucky stars.

Let’s start a kickstarter for her!

Girl, pictures? Both of coat and of man.

So basically like... don’t have kids, but if you have kids, let them fit into your life instead of orchestrating your life around theirs.

Kym Worthy for president please.

My parents, they... they’ll never understand!

Lest we forget, Halo 3’s Valhalla matchmaking map. Never have I heard so many “GET IN THE FUCKIN’ TRUCK”s in my life.

And then they immediately die or don’t get back into the fucking truck.

I think I love you.

I was watching This is 40 the other day, and I totally forgot that she plays a mom whose kid is mean to the main couple’s daughter, and she was freakin’ hilarious. I could not stop laughing during the “meet with the principal” scene.

Does this also work with mothers?

From Wikipedia:

Damn you...

I am ashamed at myself, but I totally started following Dustin on Instagram. Dude’s pictures are just... works of art. I lust over him.

Having Tim Gunn being disappointed in your and stop believing in you would probably be the equivalent of a 5 year old finding out Santa is not real.

Let us not forget young Blake, who was mystified by the concept of a woman’s vagina, let alone the location of the thing.