Wait so... you didn’t have time to watch the fight, but you did have time to log into Jalopnik? I... what...?

You’re actually supposed to ask someone if they are choking or need the Heimlich before you perform it on them, that’s a part of the first aid training. If they are able to cough or speak, then you are not supposed to interfere.

What exactly is “debutante” porn? Asking for a friend...

Tom Brady wrote the Gawker article outing that executive as a gay man.

This is the perfect troll of the perfect Deadspin comment right here. Dense, missing the point, and whiny.

Albuquerque, New Mexico 2024!

Oh hush, the fact that the star of the movie has the ear of both the director and the writer, as well as his co-star, and could leverage his star power into making a sequel to this awesome movie is enough to let go of the whole “scientology” thing. Save that for your late night drunken rantings with your also drunk…

MARRY HER/HIM.

I am shipping you guys so hard.

Tina Fey? :( Noooooooooo!

That seems like perfect casting.

Holy shiz, New Mexico is a hotbed of STDs... I’m never having sex again.

WHY do people talk in the bathroom? If I was on the phone with someone, and I heard flushing in the background, I would never speak to that person on the phone ever again.

I... what? Drinking in the shower?

Directly... into the garbage can?

Men amaze me. I love reading these Funbags purely to read hilarious anecdotal situations from men that I didn’t realize existed.

Who do I have to sleep with to work there?

“I don’t think we’re addressing the threat to the country,” Gilmore told the Richmond Times-Dispatch in an interview Tuesday. “I bring to the table experience that others don’t have.”

And they’re putting people back in the greys, too, keep that in mind.

Mine was deleted and I’m back in the greys. So... there’s that.