That’s so great to hear! You’ve definitely given her the tools, and she’s making great use of them.

Whatever works for your kiddo! And it’s totally age dependent. I’m dealing with a 3-year-old who uses pretty complex sentences and responds better to full conversation, and sometimes we don’t need to say much of anything at all, it’s just something like “do you need a hug? are you feeling scared or are you feeling angr…

The lesson that stuck with me is not, I suspect, the lesson they intended. 

I read an article (quite a while back) about this particular behavior. It IS an intensely personal insult to slap a child in the face. It is an attack on the child’s developing sense of self and sense of belonging in the world. If this were to happen in front of me, I think it would be difficult not to intervene.

Exactly. When my daughter is melting down, I get down on the floor and ask her if she needs a hug, offer a comfort object and if she’s up for it talk with her about how she’s feeling and why. Naming her emotions helps her calm down tremendously.

No kidding.

>I’m curious what the alternative to time out is when a child is being a terror and “Little Timmy, please don’t do that” isn’t working. Seriously asking, not trying to be sarcastic.

Time-in. Send kid to quiet area to calm down but stay with them (unless they want to be alone, in which case check on them periodically).…

my stepmom was hit repeatedly growing up and would even laugh when she told stories of when beatings would occur over meaningless things/accidents, like it was a hobby for adults. she also would claim “I turned out fine”, husband#1 (deceased) was a verbally abusive alcoholic, husband#2 (my dad) is an…

Kids often lash out more when they initially receive positive attention or positive discipline, because they’re finally getting the attention they crave and it totally overwhelms them. Or else there’s a bigger issue at play that needs to be addressed. And absolutely we all respond to different things, but the question…

Yup- How the hell is spanking a long-term plan? What are you going to do when they’re a teenager and bigger/stronger than you (because teens WILL be bigger/stronger than you). What are teachers, who cannot (and don’t want to) hit kids going to do when your kid ONLY responds to hitting as a punishment? 

Well, if you follow that link about time outs, it talks about how neurologically speaking, kids crave connection, so methods that enhance that connection and use it to teach better behavior and build intrinsic motivation toward positive behavior (which is natural to all kids - every kid naturally wants to be helpful,…

I’m on the fence about time-outs, but they don’t really work for my toddler. The things that DO work:

I also want to say that no spanking, yelling, or time outs doesn’t mean no discipline. Like you said, kids do often need to be removed from whatever stimulus or activity is happening. And removing kids from a situation and then staying with them (or staying nearby if they are full face plant on the floor screaming and…

There’s so many different options! I highly recommend looking at Positive Parenting with Rebecca Eames, and Janet Lansbury (who is a big fan of Magda Gerber and RIE) for starters, as well as Aha! Parenting. Janet Lansbury has a podcast called Unruffled that’s especially great at addressing stuff like this, using…

What you’re talking about is generally referred to as a time in, and it’s fundamentally different from a time out, because time out is about punishment through isolation, and a time in is about, as you have pointed out well, learning to regulate behavior through connection and gentle instruction.

I hope you don’t get flak for this because this is exactly what the research says. I don’t understand why it’s considered revolutionary to suggest that kids should be treated like human beings rather than wayward animals.

I’m with you on the time out thing, though it varies greatly on the child’s age and development. Some children benefit from being removed from the stimulus, but there is no reason the parent can’t sit there with them and explain what is going on, or just sit quietly until the moment has passed. My niece lived with me…

Spanking and yelling* at kids are both demonstrably harmful, whether it rises to objective levels of “abuse” or not. And both are usually rooted in trying to compel compliance and obedience. There’s just no room for respecting the child and where they’re at in the authoritarian model of parenting. But that…

My parent’s decision to no longer spank me because I didn’t need it strangely coincided with me superceding them in height, strength, and speed.

The “and I turned out alright” is the same defense for NOT bothering with safety equipment or vaccinations. Sure, you survived. But the reason this shit exists is because A LOT OF CHILDREN DIDN’T AND THEY AREN’T HERE TO TELL YOU THAT.