I know, I almost fell over at that, it was so good! I imagined said drag queen spontaneously appearing to the person misusing the shade and throwing makeup pencils at them like “No, goddamn it, no! WRONG!”

The sound, the feel of Tori: the soundtrack of my liiiifffe.

Also, social media today. I don’t think I could survive being a teen now.

From a friend’s fridge magnet: “Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.”

Favorite. Gif. Ever.

Glasses. The quickness with which they are dumped rises proportional to how full they are and how big of a mess the liquid inside will make. I’ve NEVER drunk wine out of a proper glass at home since I got my female kitty. That would be asking for it. We drink water out of insulated tumblers with straws. Sigh.

I thought that was Helena Bonham Carter!

They should have had bouncers. Or riot police.

For a time I went to a salon in a wealthy neighborhood because it was near my kid’s preschool. The soap was chained because the rich ladies stole it so often. Wtf

I’ve gotten so much use out of this:

Also raised Catholic. As early bloomer who was overweight for most of my childhood I wouldn’t dare push the boundaries, but my mom once tried to give me crap about my khakis being a little wrinkled. I said “all pants are ironed in the eyes of the Lord,” and she never did it again.

I like this idea. This is the first year my 3 year old enjoyed the thrill of a family Easter at my husband’s grandma’s house: we just moved hundreds of miles to south Texas. I was introduced to a regional tradition of the bunny piñata (creepy but funny, especially after a niece yelled about the head: “place it on a…

Holy shit it’s an Easter Thunderdome. “Many kids enter, one kid leaves!”

Raised Catholic, confirmed Espiscopalian, now agnostic. People like that somehow piss me off MORE than the extremists. Don’t know if I expect them to know better/be more enlightened or what, but they’re not helping their cause. Asses to Asses, Douche to Douche...

It sounds like you have much more experience with kids than I did, and you want to be around them more. That’s huge; if I can go from zero to mom you’ll be ok. BUT it’s gonna be gnarly. It’s one thing to keep it together babysitting, but with your own you’re doing it on no sleep and wild hormones.

Omg the last time we got sick I wanted to shake my husband silly every time he groaned like “suck it the fuck up, man!” I have no patience for that nonsense and literally no time: all I was afforded was one 2 hour nap to recover.

We have a name for it: "kitty cat cock block."

Absolutely legit point. Some of the red places scare me. My brother left Texas for FoCo and never looked back. If he ever leaves it will be for New Zealand.

Houston has more strip club billboards per square mile than any city in the state. Those hypocritical assholes.

They think y'all just need to pray harder to be delivered from your affliction.