This is the real version.

Trevor Noah nailed this one perfectly: there is a massive difference between using obscene language to talk about your totally consensual sexual experiences and talking about sexually assaulting someone. Is the first one kinda shitty, depending on the situation? Yea. Do your friends probably want you to shut up…

Typical left-wing pinko liberal media bias tactics #101: quote people accurately.

Plus, a genuine apology wouldn’t insist that this news story is a “distraction from the important issues.” No, you irredeemably predatory fuckwit, your inability to see women as human beings (as opposed to body parts for you to grope) *is* an important issue!

sometimes my cat looks weird

I flipped between politifact and NPR but everyone knows that Trumps version of reality is the best reality a yuge reality the greatest reality.

Reindeer are delicious. In 2014/2015 my husband and I spent three weeks in Scandinavia, culminating in a magical three day/four night stay in those glass igloos in Kakslauttanen: http://www.kakslauttanen.fi/en/

They’re the same thing as caribou, just a different name (like mountain lion vs cougar).

Yes, you’re now educated enough to make sensible clothing choices that won’t inflame the male sexing urges, you won’t flounce around like a floozy in speakeasies or make flirty, dirty, smutty remarks from your heavily painted soft moist lips. Yes, a smart girl. A decent girl.

My girlfriend from grad school was in the top 5% of our class and was about to be promoted to a Fortune 100 vice-presidency when (we believe) she was killed by her husband.

I find it easier to pet kittens with my hands, but if you like to rub them with a philosopher more power to you; I just find them so unwieldy.

Does that mean in two years when I’m being handed my phd, my memories of being assaulted by men will be magically replaced with new memories in which I pet kittens with philosophers? Because that would sure make nighttime public transit less of an anxiety crap shoot.

For full balance there, we now need to spread rumours that Brad’s pregnant every time he holds anything that covers his stomach.

Apply ice directly to the burn

Lincoln made a Cosmopolitan back in 1949. Now this excites me.

A lot of brilliant people have been highly fucked up. Intelligence is no sign of being a decent human being.