needs those little sparkly claws. you know what i mean. you know.

I’m with you on all of these except the bonefolder. as a book-making enthusiast, I will vouch for the bonefolder. makes a HUGE difference especially when working with cardstock. and if you’re folding a shit ton of paper (like name cards + programs for 100 people) also, they’re like $2 at michaels.

I also think this is an appropriate avenue to shamelessly flaunt my Indian Fusion Wedding Dress I designed for my wedding a few years ago

Man, men with domestic violence convictions just can’t get a fair shake in the dating world. Don’t those bitches understand his ex was crazy?

Ugh, Moby Dick is a SPERM WHALE, not a HUMPBACK, duh, god.

So, to make up for their epic fuck up, they offered her a free abortion? Did it come with a toaster too? Or at least validated parking?

It’s only paved over and sterile if you never get off the loop road. If you get out of your car and walk more than 500’ you’re practically by yourself.

homegirl is fucking lucky as shit and also has the lightest period on god’s green earth bc if that was me please believe they would have blurred out my entire lower half and all 26 miles behind me that were literred w huge globs of my uterine lining.

Love the drama queen kid on his hands and knees begging God to save him. You know he was in vaudville 10 years later.

Yeah, this for example. https://apparel.gospelnerd.com/product/matthe…

Papists...and anything that isn’t their particular brand. My cousin and his wife are members of a church that does wedding ceremonies in conjunction with a regular church service, so when they got married we all “got” to go to their church, too. It was a extra special day, as missionaries from the Philippines were…

Hate to be a buzzkill ladies, but what about breast, cervical, and liver cancer? (Spoiler alert: risk of all is increased with prolonged use of OCPs)

I think it’s supposed to be pronounced the way E.T. says ‘Elliot’.

Work poops are poops that you get PAID to take, though.

Here is the number #1 (no pun intended) rule of etiquette for multi-stall bathrooms: If you are done with your business and the other door that was shut when you got there is still shut, someone is holding onto their poop for dear life, praying that you will hurry up and leave. Please move along. Hopefully someone…

Although it sounds like the result of some freaked-out parent being annoying, these sunburns are legitimately terrible.

I live 10 minutes from his office. People here are fucking PISSED.

I bet his children are ashamed of their Disney villain piece of shit dad. I hope he knows that.

Do you mean the zoom on her camera or are you naming the kicky bison Zoom? I’m hoping its the latter.

I almost beat a woman with my camera in Yellowstone once. She kept inching closer and closer to a bison and I told her she needed to back up. She responded, “Oh, they must be so used to people by now.” When I told her that, no, they aren’t, that they are quite dangerous and can charge at up to 35 mph, she looked…