three different people responded “indubitably” within a minute of each other good hustle guys

I heard that in Cheryl’s voice.

Why does her makeup artist hate her?

It’s very hard to T-bone someone when you’re on a 6-lane freeway going 0-20 mph.

My heart stops beating when I get a phone call. Like, haven't I let it be known I loathe talking on the phone?

Dear Unwitting,

Nothing will ever meet the madness of The Dress. My husband straight-up called me a liar over that shit.

Unless some people see that shoe as yellow this does not begin to approach the madness that was The Dress.

Are you Ariana Grande?

the subject of this interview is me. it me, the rich baby

Good lord, this is the nicest comment section I have ever seen! I had to make an account just to say that. You are all really kind, who wouldn’t want a response like that? Lovely, thank you. I think maybe it’s weird to comment under your own interview but I’m doin’ it anyway.

If anything, I’d be more productive if I had less time to get things done. I work well under time constraints. Give me 9 hours to work per day and I just end up procrastinating and posting on Jezebel.

Exactly. Like, if you’re in an office job, if half of your workday is devoted to shooting shit and checking the internet and stuff (nothing wrong with that!), it’s not like you’re working productively or efficiently, you’re just working because you have to work that 8-4, 9-5, or whatever.

I hate all these celebrity paternity stories (this one, the constant rumors about Khloe Kardashian, etc.). Regardless of the DNA test, Bill Clinton is her father. That’s how parenthood works. Biological origins are useful for medical histories, and that’s about it; they are certainly of no use to the public. All of…

We cannot talk about Landon’s shade without also mentioning Alexis Lalas’s flawless follow up:

Sunflower seeds? Interpretive jiggery-pokery! Peas??? Pure Applesauce!!!

A number of these nuts are threatening to move out of California, to which I say, “BYE, BITCH.”

kirstie the thing is you’re literally wrong.

Yep. So many people are saddled with either college or housing debt. On top of that we tie health insurance into having a job. Oh, and social services are cut everyday. Gee, it’s almost as if we want to make people as dependent on abusive employers as possible!

Every party has a pooper, I suppose.