I regularly weigh myself in my underwear and subtract a pound off what the scale says just in case.

Well. I suppose it depends on if you are trying to lose weight or not. I, like you, am fairly heavy. Unlike you, however, I am trying to lose weight. (No negativity about not losing weight. You do you, I do me.) Anyhow. I weigh myself once a week. The thing is, depending on how much I've had to eat and drink that day,…

I'm having my first "real" office-experience job in America, and I knew it was going to be oh so much fun my first day of lunch, when a woman came into the kitchen while I was microwaving my meal, announced to the room, "Don't look! I'm going to weigh myself!" and then proceeded to get on the BATHROOM SCALE that I…

She probably thought you were the crazy one for never seeing anchovies on a Caesar salad before.....

I could ALMOST agree with you but she drank a regular coffee and was satisfied that it was Irish.

I'm skinny as hell. Just look at all this skin - it wobbles when I wave...

The baristas say "Skinny, skinny, skinny," three times over the cup and *poof*, 800 calories vanishes!

So at this place, everything tastes like ham?

*sips skinny whole-milk nonalcoholic Irish macchiato* from their monogrammed thermos

I don't think the alcoholic Irish Coffees are that popular in general?

So, if I say "skinny" when ordering anything at Starbucks it negates the 800 calories, yes?

But it's specifically called Irish coffee because it's alcoholic. You know, like the Irish.

Ugh, some of these employees have so much attitude. If you're unwilling to do things just because they're logically impossible, maybe customer service isn't for you.

One woman and her hand: still a better love story than 50 Shades.

Psst, the woman next to me is masterbating

Only if you wipe up with a miniature American flag.

While I didn't get far enough to evaluate its sexiness, I can definitively say that I've read FAR better written free erotica via the internets. And when random, semi-anonymous amateurs are producing considerably better work than you are, it's a sign that you should not be in print.

What the fuck movie theatre sells circus peanuts?

Me as a parent:

I just wanted to point out something you may not know. The mental health community is trying to change the language of 'committed suicide' to 'died by suicide'. The change is to help reduce the stigma that people suffering from severe mental illnesses have 'committed' something shameful and are making 'selfish'…