Shut up, Tomato

Not everything is “fire”

I wish that the Obamas had set up an Instagram or Twitter for Bo and Sunny. They’re such big doofy dogs that always make me smile when I see them.

How much time and money and effort are they spending on all this, when they could just trot her out for a five-minute live press conference/statement saying, “See? I’m fine. Now leave me alone.” It’s almost like she’s not alive or something...

I’m sure it’s happened, and I’m prepared to be proven wrong, but it never seems to be hot men that needlessly shit on women’s appearances. It’s always either an awkward dude with poor posture and greasy hair, an older dude that somehow looks at least ten years older than his actual age, or a dirty dude with a…

I know a family friend who looks a lot like Rapaport, thing is that family friend actually is in his 60s and you expect him to look like that, Rapaport looks like he died of an overdose in a swimming pool and someone forgot to skim his bloated corpse out so he just got bored and said “fuck it, lemme dry off and let’s y…

kill yourself

Nothing says “Feminist counterpart” like a princess’s handmaiden.

Fits = sits. Simple cat math.

Enjoy while you can...

Ah, the time-tested 14 Day Trial By Orgasm. The old ways are the best ways.

I’d give him two weeks to convince me not to murder him by having lots of sex.

When I was on maternity leave, I was reading “Where the Heart Is.” My husband decided the book was making me too depressed (thanks Oprah!), so he HID IT FROM ME before he went to work. I should have divorced him then. This was 22 years ago, and it still stands out in my memory as the first of many disrespectful things…

I was the recipient of a 1983 Cabbage Patch Doll. I loved her.

Just a side note/main note into the history of Cabbage Patch Kids. Xavier Roberts ripped of the dolls from the Kentucky folk artist Martha Nelson. Roberts was not an artist. Just a businessman that saw an opportunity and never compensated/acknowledged the real talent for her work or ideas.

This is how my mom got mine! Sort of. She taught school and one of the janitors approached her and said that his brother worked at a large toy store and if she was willing to pay in cash, she could get a cabbage patch doll. I distinctly remember my mom taking us after school that day, we drove behind the toy store and…

After the wedding she went got a great haul of tuna.

What if toilet doesn’t have cover?? Will she just jump right in and take a bath in a toilet??
 

Nipples with their own smaller titties.

It’s peak corporate intersectional feminism/inclusive ally-ship.