You seem to understand John Waters better than most. You simply don’t have the appreciation.

I had the pleasure of volunteering for President Bush sr. in 2000. We worked on an initiative for childhood leukemia funding. Eight years later my husband and two sons were killed in an accident. I had not had any dealings with President Bush for almost 7 years. A few months after the accident I received a phone call.…

Oh cool, your house is bigger than his.

> you can’t watch porn in public.

Cruz used to keep people out of his law school study group if they went to “lesser Ivys.”  There was never a time when it was acceptable for Reznor to invite Cruz onto the guest list.  I am interested to know what beer Cruz was chugging, guessing Shiner Light Blonde.  Fucking shitsack windsock in a fuckpuppet…

All you have to do is call his wife ugly and he’ll support you forever.

Look, I know they look like blood, but can you stop making them sound cool when she’s just a poseur who thinks she has any fucking taste, like Kanye’s clothes?  Her “aesthetic” has been ignored for too long because it’s bad, now she uses the bully pulpit because she has been so bullied.  She’s an asshole vulgarian…

Yeah, I miss when we had Republicans like George H.W. Bush who quoted the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band but called them the Nitty Ditty Nitty Gritty Great Bird.

Good for Colbert. I respected Letterman a lot, though he hadn’t been the phenom he was during his NBC Late Night reign for a few decades. But Colbert showed up and grabbed the torch and did the show justice. Fallon, on the other hand, took Leno’s Tonight Show, something that was already aggressively mediocre, and…

I was visiting family when the original commercial aired last year. My 94 year-old WWII-vet Granddad went, “Does it tweet lies, too?”

I wanted to upvote this, but “Closing Time” also sucks.

Did he really extricate himself from the music industry if he’s just writing songs for top 40 artists now?

“In referencing the one who invited me, I used an exaggerated expression of regard, and any attempt to turn this into a negative connotation is ridiculous.”

You know, I don’t think there was any joke in that. I don’t think she intended it as any kind of joke. She’d be one of those women who get all giddy and brought the baby to witness the spectacle of the “public execution”.

I wonder if that’s the kid Carlson was always talking about during the healthcare debate; that he and his wife had no insurance so they paid for the pregnancy and delivery out of their pockets; therefore so should you!

The day I never read/see/hear Kellyanne Conway’s name again will be a blessing. Listening to her and watching her speak is like looking into the face of a lich who would suck the marrow from your bones and still resemble a skeletal approximation of something that is pretending to be human.

I get her normal lies, but does she actually think that sports replays speed things up to see what happened? 

Pete Davidson sucks. His joke sucked. This Republican dude sucks. And it sucks that they all combined here. 

So...you’re saying he’s going to eventually succeed Jimmy Fallon as host of The Tonight Show?

this. he’s unwatchable at this point. not because of the things he says (the original Crenshaw thing wasn’t funny but not particularly egregious) but that he thinks he’s way funnier than he is. at any point does he stop grinning and laughing at his own words?