At this point I’m pretty sure the headliner will be this guy, one of the most popular singers in Russia.

Right? A guy in my city dressed up as the Liberty Bridge (which rather famously caught on fire last month). He had a little baby fog machine for the billowing smoke and everything. It was great. And not offensive. (Nobody was injured or died in the Great Bridge Fire of 2016.)

Countdown to one of them dying for totes legit story reasons...

Respectful?

Breadstix, Inc.

Fuck you. I mean that sincerely.

It's a classist bullshit statement based on being superior, arrogant, and cluelessly self-righteous. Sounds pretty fucking Republican to me.

How dare you suggest that white people not freak out when judged for their color? I, as a white person, feel that I am oppressed all the time. People will say "Well, as a white woman, you make more money than EVERYONE else besides white men" And my response is "The ozone layer is thinning and I NEED that extra money…

I like using this place to vent about work, but today I'm just going to talk about how much I love my co-workers and management for this:

...It's...not about you?

I feel like that crazy Coffee Latte story needs to be a Hyperbole and a Half blog post, it needs Allie's glorious illustrations to depict that woman's rage.

Monogrammed Thermosery

But are you allergic to crunchy?

I want a goddamn coffee latte in a goddamn monogrammed thermos right now!!!! And God help you if there's any red in there because I'm allergic to red!

Show of hands: who else Googled Mitchum-Humpsterfumper Disease?

But the merchant was a very important person. He sold monogramed thermos clay jugs.

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the tale of Saint Basil Fuckoff, the patron saint of waiters and bartenders.

Because I love this column, I'd like to give back some of the pleasure it has given me.

Interesting use of a photo.

Next time I go to a Japanese restaurant I'm going to point at the tempura and say "Gimme one of them free lattes."