"Draw me like one of your Orlesian Qunari."

Is this going to become a weekly thing? Because it is the greatest and I would like to hear more rulings from the Honorable Judge Kara Brown.

Towel? OK. Rubber glove? I'm on board. ALUMINUM FOIL? Get that the hell away from my dick!

"Failure is not getting knocked down. It's not getting up."

I like to imagine that multiple black women have called him a punk and his oblivious takeaway was that they thought he was Ashton Kutcher.

Patrick Bateman was better at hiding it.

Well, that changes everything!

I bet his fedora collection is truly a sight to behold.

Personally, I have already mastered one-handed mode on all of my "devices."

There was 2 sims in the household. The first one drowned in a pool when I didn't know they needed a ladder to get out and while that was happening the other one lit the house on fire and burned to death.

He went to today's game at Dodger Stadium with just enough clothing to keep him clear of the law, cracked open two Dos Equis tall boys, munched on a hot dog, and soaked up some rays.

Far from the first time that a dick has been on full display in Downtown Chicago.

MARK NOOOOO I THOUGHT WE HAD MOVED PAST YOU POSTING STUFF LIKE THIS. NO MARK NOOOOOO. MICHAEL JACKSON AND LUTHER VANDROSS DID NOT DIE FOR THIS! #FIXITMICHAEL #FIXITLUTHER

And still others are angered by the fact that Sam has been the victim of an apparent double standard, wherein high-profile draftees like Johnny Manziel—white, rich, and straight—are celebrated for racking up endorsements and Instagramming themselves holding fistfuls of cash while Sam, who grew up in extreme poverty…

You're totally right; the way in which he has turned down most of his sponsorship opportunities, canceled the reality documentary after negative feedback, performed well in the preseason, and given one interview since being drafted by the Rams (in which he talked about how performing well in the preseason gave him…

I see a lot of electronics malfunctioning in the near future for the Ferguson PD

"In hindsight, all the warning signs were there"? All the warning signs that he was going to fake his own death.

Ugh. Everyone knows you fake amnesia, not death! Gawd, millennials, get your shit together!