“Let’s get this straight first off: the Raptors were dead the moment LeBron James was...”

I don’t always get abortions, but when I do I always go to my local dental center.

he just keeps trying while being deliciously heckled by everyone around him.

this is what happens when you stop masturbating

The front fell off.

“Cooler heads will not prevail.”

dropped him like a ton of bricks eh

you got the wrong MatisyahuSerious and the Ragged Tiger, please remove - have a great day!

Perhaps we could park this on the border with Mexico. There’s 100' of the trump wall. Bonus, it pretty much sums him up as a person; a warped image of wealth, power and glamour, but ultimately useless.

“Would you like to see the empty eyes of a man who’s almost positive that he’s just fucked up, with nothing left for him to do about it?”

he gave a performance that will go down in the quickbooks.

Did the police shoot and kill him? Oh right! He’s not black.

If this had happened in the U.K., the headlines would all be about “knicked knickers.”

Clearly we need to expand the roles of rookies in this league so that they have to carry everyone’s luggage to the house, not just in the hotel.

Volvo: Widely regarded as the safest vehicles on the road?

CD-ROM? Luxury! In my day, we browsed our cars on a floppy disk, and we liked it.

Speaking for every Sacramento Kings fan, yes all five of us:

Enjoy your two years in Sacramento, Grayson. Explore the local Chinatown, any Mandarin you pick up will be a big asset to your playing career.

Gotta go fats.