If I wore the Belle set, I feel like I would be legally compelled to sing "Be Our Guest" as a guy was undressing me. Which would probably not lead to much sex. I already have a tendency to do a bad British accent during sexy moments.

Granted, I'm in my late 20s and only had sex for the first time last year, but that also makes me tired. Losing my virginity to one penis was difficult enough, damnit. It hurt like hell despite a sweet guy (who later vanished, but that's another matter).

So glad for the kids in Utah doing that! Maybe there is hope for the red state Scouts after all. In my Southern hometown, the Boy Scouts were praying at churches to be saved from the homos. One adult Scout leader said sternly that "We can't pick and choose what rules from the Bible we follow" I wanted to fly out of my…

I'd bet money he can't go through another season, two at the most, before saying something else so vile and so public that A&E really has to make a hard choice. This man is full of hate. He assaulted a couple in the 70s. This is a violent individual.

http://www.capitolhillblue.com/node/51064

I feel like Kanye regards Kim as an art project more than a fiancee at this point.

Damnit, this makes me miss my two stubborn cats, including the tuxedo who glares at the TV when I dare to watch Dogs 101. Yet I'm also home for the first time since moving two time zones away five months ago, and part of me wants to extend my trip. Cats vs. mom and dogs! Adorable, sweet dogs, but still not my cats.

My mom got hit by this and was sad because she ordered me and one or two other relatives the same book by a comedian. It's a Christian comedian, though, so I'm kind of all "Ohh, take your time, UPS. It's OK. I'll manage to muddle through somehow." Not that I'd tell her that, of course. She didn't order from Amazon,…

My bedroom has no door. It's strange, but my place is otherwise awesome, so I live with it. After the first time I had sex, though, my cat approached the empty doorway and looked horrified. I think he might have let out a yell, like "What has he done to you, Mom?"

Yeah, I'm a bit bummed as well. I know it's probably not very classy of me to be bummed, but I wanted the Gwyneth dirt. I'm back and forth on her. Sometimes she seems OK, albeit insanely privileged and sheltered. Then there are times when she seems like the Goopiest Goop who ever Gooped, and I'm Gooped out.

Holy crap (in more than one sense). I went to school (in Texas) with a girl who sang that song to that same tune. I'm about to bust it out in this coffee shop now: "Liars go to hell, liars go to hell! Burn burn burn." Is that it?

I said this elsewhere, but Phil Robertson came to my hometown earlier this year and said the most offensive things about gays and feminists. I think there was a really crude hunting analogy in there involving abortion, but I can't remember specifics. Naturally, the people in the crowd ate it up and loved how he talked…

He's said this stuff in public before. He came to my hometown and said stuff about gay people, feminists, anyone who isn't just like him. A&E can't be too surprised, not when this guy makes speeches around the South and rallies up the troops to love Jesus and hate those darn homos and feminists.

I don't have the Photoshop, but between this and the "I Will Raise This Baby Alone!" covers post earlier, I sincerely want Us Weekly to come out with a "I Will Raise This Grumpy Cat Alone!" cover. I would buy the shit out of it.

I had to reread that as well. She just comes off sounding so snooty, like her "ghetto" boyfriend's friends are going to reflect poorly on her. Actually, no. Sounding like a character in an Edith Wharton novel reflects poorly on her.

Jean-Ralphio explains my feelings on both companies and people who ghost on me. I mean, isn't it easier to send a polite but short email saying, "Sorry, we chose someone else" (probably easier to do that with jobs than with relationships, but still). Does the guilt not nag at them? Just tell me something, people.…

After reading Janet Reitman's Inside Scientology, I am convinced that Giovanni Ribisi did something really terrible in the organization's eyes and Dads is his punishment.

He didn't know? So I'm guessing the physical barrier wasn't an issue? I hope that was it and he wasn't just, you know, not very bright. I told this guy, who had never been with a virgin but was so damn sweet about it, sigh. I thought my hymen had been gone for a while, but apparently not. For a while my body was just…

I'm on the West Coast, and I honestly don't know what the heck that Three Wise Guys thing was. Maybe I should have been giving it my full attention instead of my half-attention.

Chandler's love for Fat Monica redeemed the more problematic aspects of that episode. In a weird way, Monica after sex reminded myself of me after sex. I was doing the "I'm such a slut!" jokes quite happily. with my friends. This guy I slept with also had a low number of prior sexual partners, so I think he understood…