I know it's not a new observation, but god damn it Paul Rudd! Age you fine bastard! Age!

"My dad loves that band! You're still arrested."

No, no. Tom is not into the club scene.

If I could only communicate via Jennifer Lawrence gifs, I would probably still live a relatively healthy and productive life.

I would pay many, many pennies for a Tom Hanks version of the Kim Kardashian Hollywood app. That way Tom could be with me wherever I go.

I feel like being able to try something on is even more important to plus size ladies, right? I know other women who also wear my dress size, but what flatters our two different bodies varies so drastically. For me, I want something that hides my tummy but accentuates my waist and hips. She has a flatter tummy, but…

That sounds so much more fabulous than ours. We started out with incredibly old-fashioned girl versions of the band uniform (short skirts, brass buttons, WOOL), but then switched to these god-awful polyester Western wear prairie skirt things, which made so much sense for suburban Philly and its well-known cowboy…

I say "Joefia." But you can say Mangangara.

Jared Leto looks like Jesus took up knitting.

Dog's version of the "Grapes of Wrath" speech: "Wherever Kendra Wilkinson is flushing her wedding ring down the toilet, I'll be there. Wherever Selena Gomez is rocking a tuxedo-style jumpsuit, I'll be there. Wherever LeBron James and Savannah Brinson are naming their baby Zhuri, I'll be there." Etc., etc.,…

So say we all.

That second set of footprints? Dog the Bounty Hunter's. He is always with you.

As someone who finds Reddit to be the most annoying website to navigate on earth... I just want to say: Mark... even if your entire job was to troll Reddit for the good stuff, I'd still read you and I don't think it's lazy. It's a real service that I don't have to actually go to Reddit to look for these things myself…

Imagining them as the Frank and Claire of music is so inspiring to me, thank you.

I'm not saying Beyonce is not important. But, you know, Oprah IS still alive.

One day I was sitting on the bus behind a girl with headphones on with a guy started calling her "Blondie," and just generally telling her how he'd like to get to know her. He wasn't particularly crude about it, but it was clear his attention was unwelcome. But he kept trying, and she kept replying in monosyllables…

"But baby, all that's changing now, 'cause Mama's got The Pill."

10/10, would run Legend of the Hidden Temple with

But do you have a flag?

Oh, Tom! I used to have the biggest crush on him. He's so cute.