I'm not a pirate, but [masturbate furiously to the movie Pirates of the Caribbean]

This is why I like living in the UK. Boy, the British are boozebags. I can go to Costco or even Tesco and fill up my minivan with crates of wine and no one bats an eyelid.

I work in the wine industry and at my last winery we were having a meeting one time and the president brings up the idea of introducing a half bottle of wine (375 ml). He said that they'd done studies and the average two people couldn't/didn't finish a bottle to themselves in one night. This was not a small group…

On my page right now from this thread:

Thanks, science. You’ve helped white wine drinkers everywhere realize that they’re probably way drunker than they thought.

I don't realize until it's too late that I'm on my third glass.

That IS a party, baby! You and the wine, you're going downtown. Hell yeah!

I was at Target yesterday and they had put a bunch of different tasty wines on clearance that'd I'd wanted to try anyway, plus they have the Buy 6 (or more) and Get 10% Off deal, so I bought 10 bottles. Thought nothing of it until I got to check out and the lady says, "Wow! This is A LOT of wine. You must be having a…

What the hell is a 'glass' of wine?

Who measures wine in "glasses?" It's bottles up over here! I mean, yeah, I have wine glasses, but it's not like I've ever had to re-cap a bottle once it's been opened. I got a nice set of wine stoppers for my birthday one year and was like "...and these are for what, exactly?" "You know, when you don't finish a…

Yeah, that's a bunch of bullshit right there.

How is that not socially acceptable?

My dog does the same thing, and since the bathroom door doesn't close properly, if the dog wants to headbutt that thing open just to watch me poop, well I guess that's what's going to happen.

But are you moist, and by extension wet? That's the real question, here.

Cinnabon stopped using individual ingredients in the baking process long ago. You used to be able to see the cinnamon, melted butter and sugar. Now it is a pre-processed liquid concoction that vaguely tastes of cinnamon, corn syrup and vegetable oil. It really is too bad, because it used to be worth the billions of…

If getting drunk by yourself and painting is wrong, I don't want to be right.

I don't even know what a cinnabon is, but now I want one. Damn you Americans with your cronuts and pumpkin spiced goods.

Grilled cheese and onion sandwich with cream of tomato soup. One of the best fall dinners ever, ready in under 30 minutes.

Oh my god, what is it with cats in the bathroom? I try to put Gummitch in my lap anywhere else in the house, he struggles (although he's always happy to sprawl on my feet). But if I'm on the toilet, he immediately jumps up and offers his beautiful spotted belly, gigantic thumbed paws treading the air, purring so…

i was there. i told her to get under the blanket with you.