My brother and I may or may not have performed a "synchronized swimming" (read: flailing about in the water in somewhat similar fashions at vaguely the same moment) routine to the Reading Rainbow theme song one summer. Just off our boat. In the middle of a lake. And kept trying to sing-shout the lyrics ourselves,…

Please allow me to cast an early ballot in the Best Non-Sitcom/No Lyrics Theme Song category for the intro to the Sixties British spy show The Avengers.

I see your funky, and raise you one of the baddest bass lines in tv history:

Waitaminute!!

Anyone here old enough to remember Barney Miller? I'm not really into jazz, but this is a great one. Also, The Odd Couple.

I absolutely need a trigger warning for math. Even simple math sends me into crying jags of anxiety. Fortunately, the trigger warning is usually right there in the title of the course, like "Calculus 101." Some schools (mine included) even included a trigger warning on the building itself: I know to stay far, far away…

This is magnificent. Does it make sense that I both laughed at it and loved it, all at the same time?

Beautiful cat, beautiful quilt. I'm glad you had so much time together... but it's never enough, is it?

Glad to hear your ex is your ex. Any man that treats a woman that way... I'm just sorry. Good for your kitty.

Getting that taken care of must have been awkward. How many doctors did it take? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight . . . ?

Yeah, that "sigh" really spoiled an otherwise well-written piece, didn't it?

For a brief moment I thought this was Jason Mewes.

Here's how you know New York style pizza is the best and deep dish is not pizza: NY style pizza gets Bostonians and New Yorkers to agree on something (other than that the East Coast is the best coast). THAT'S A MIRACLE, PEOPLE.

And often the adjustments are nonsensical. I often see an inseam length of 32" on pants in straight sizes, and then the same pants by the same manufacturer have been inexplicably shortened to a 31 or 31 1/2 for plus size. Why? there is nothing flattering about broad hips and pants that stop a half inch above one's…

And make sure the designers are fat friendly, unlike the jerk from a former Project Runway who made one of the contestant's moms cry, because acted like a spoiled brat about making clothing for a "normal" person.

The "Clothes Calling Card" - I read about this somewhere else but it certainly belongs with this article. It's a card you can give directly to store managers/salespeople or just leave in a store to let them know you're dissatisfied and exactly how much money you WANTED TO SPEND but could not.

Maybe if you had published this in 72 point people would have read your piece so you wouldn't have to copy and paste nearly the entire thing into the comments.

But...but...threesome?

A Cumberpocalypse?