You’re right. I should have said, “looked at and then maybe rolled your eyes.”

You forgot the part where you almost read a Sploid article out of desperation.

He was on an episode of Poirot.

I’m thinking of the future when the person who thought this was a good idea is crying into a beer or talking to a therapist saying, “I can’t believe I thought a poo-themed cafe was a place people would want to go to. Why didn’t anyone stop me?”

Oh ffs. Why?!

Yep. I’m the charming receptionist who has juicy conversations over the phone that the inmates listen in on. I’m also in charge of making sure the bucket of water for dumping on the drunks in the morning is full and laying out a giant spread of donuts and coffee every morning for the sheriff.

Thank you!

Chasing barn swallows. He’s sitting on a hay net on the other side.

True!

Just frustrated that barn swallows in the roof are still so, so far away despite his climbing that high.

I’d like to give you as good an answer as that, but he’s actually just sitting on a hay net inside a horse stall, trying to get to barn swallows.

I do not know if mine counts because I did not actually go on the date. I was stood up by a guy because before coming to pick me up, he got arrested for shop-lifting a toaster oven at K-Mart using the self-checkout machines.

An Ernest movie is a dealbreaker.

Me too. I want to sneak him home but it would be frowned upon.

Look it up.

The new kitten at work:

These things look like horrible bloody grubs.

They do, excepting most domesticated varieties. Like grapes. And oranges.

Bananas are fruit. The tree may be considered a herb but bananas are definitely the fruit of a banana tree and, from a botanical perspective, a berry.