Say hello to your new spokesperson: “We dress like students, we dress like housewives, or in a suit and a tie. I’ve changed my hair color, so many times now, I don’t know what I look like. Hi I’m David Byrne for Clairol.”

That was actually something I thought about yesterday a lot. They released the police scanner traffic audio about part way through the day, and I listened to it because it calms me. For some reason, listening to highly trained people remaining calm and performing their jobs in the midst of a horrible and chaotic…

I have often thought about the trauma that 911 operators deal with, especially in the wake of discussions of survivors of September 11th. What those dispatchers must have had to listen to... So much love and respect for them.

I think the truth is that a lot of crimes are investigated and the victims are treated with dignity and respect and we never hear about them. This is news because of catching a serial killer. An ‘ordinary’ rapist would not make the news. I am not denying there are terrible cases of victims being treated like dirt by…

“ The second item not reported accurately was the time the most recent incident occurred, 2AM. We have associates who have to make snap decisions on our third shifts to provide for their own safety and the safety of our customers.”

Winter is 9 months of the year here.

I like Ulta much better than Sephora.

If I had to go on HSN I would DEFINITELY be day drunk.

Find a copy of Desiderata recited by him. Find it, NOW.

The lyric “boom boom boom, brighter than the moon moon moon” really speaks to me on an emotional level.

*whispers* dementia

Nicole Wallace is a sociopathic serial killer with a weird crush on Vincent D’Onofrio. Accept no substitutes.

I am still waiting for a couple of my high school bullies to be arrested for running meth labs out of their trailer park homes. Every Facebook post that confirms that they are instead living apparently normal, crime-free lives is a small disappointment. I comfort myself with the knowledge that they’re all living…

Dear celebrity moms,

I’ll join my fellow commenters in saying that they only hire the best people to do those jobs. Despite what most people think, the police don’t just let any slob with a badge and a donut jack off in the evidence department. If anything, be thankful for the people who do this and save it from us. The police get a bad…

The people who review evidence has seen the worst of humanity. You should hope it is only them who see it because as I know they are a rock of civility and humanism.

The nerds who do that work have constitutions of steel and a good eye for what they’re viewing. They are the heroes of any department.

YES. I, CatAss, unabashedly love Ryan Adams (even after that once concert where he was so fucked up he forgot a bunch of lyrics) and I will listen to this album like woah.

Nick Kroll’s description of Joe Jackson remains accurate

I want to be a Do something bitch and tell my boss to go f*** themselves. I hope lemon water will help.