I WILL NEVER APOLOGIZE! #TEAM CAKE

I say we take things into our own hands.

Mark promised me a Hiddles fest, dammit.

Bette Davis scares the crap out of me.

Now I really want to meet Prince William so I can ask "Ohmygod, what was Tom Hiddleston like?"

I almost used wood twice in the headline.

And...cue all the white feminists coming in to tell us that Beyonce is not a feminist.

I'm actually surprised by the whole thing, because even though she doesn't always seem to be the brightest bulb, Beyonce usually has pretty standard good manners. She's a please and thank you and I'm sorry person in the most ordinary of circumstances. I've encountered her twice in settings where most celebs are…

But who is she? And why does she think she is important?

Palmer has finally managed to surpass both cancer and sharks on the list of things that terrify me. I'm completely convinced that simply being in the same room with her probably gives you advanced syphilis and a desire to cover yourself in feces.

...though when I thought Honey Bunny was married to Neil Gaiman, I was in heaven.

Same here, I love Gaiman's writing, and I'll always read him.

I have to correct myself on that frequently, though when I thought Honey Bunny was married to Neil Gaiman, I was in heaven.

I can't blame Gaiman for his crazy pants spouse. I love his writing too much.

I knew Palmer through acquaintances in 1995 when she was working on the Cloud-Zero mailing list. She's only a year older than me, and I'm not sure how she hitched her wagon to someone like Gaiman. Anyway, I take issue with Palmer's video and message. I could only watch the first minute or so, but Miley Cyrus is not…

Well, if she can't pull off Janis Joplin, I'm absolutely sure she has the talent to pull off Jackie Jormp-Jomp.

Alec Baldwin is one of those rare individuals where the answer to "Marry, Fuck, or Kill" is just "Yes"

Oh dear god, formula feeding and circumcision in one post. This is some kind of mommy-wars apocalypse isn't it!?!

I don't have answers for you unfortunately, but so far I have received two responses that have informed me I am in fact mutilated based on whatever definitions they chose. I am also either not dealing with some trauma or going to in the future.

In addition to providing invaluable advice, you seem like a delightful human being and I would like to be friends with you.